“No, an excellent question,” Mrs. Gardiner replied, “but one that cannot be answered.”
They stood there silently for several minutes, and then Elizabeth felt how cold it was outside without moving, and though it was early, the sun was already fading away as it was nearly the winter solstice. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped at her eyes. “You always make me feel better.”
“Do I? But you must understand what you want — first: Do you still love him?”
“Very much. I do, I do — but I do not know if I can marry him if he will not change on this matter.”
“That has a very serious tone to it. And you told him that you were so unhappy about this mysterious subject?”
Elizabeth nodded. “It was the matter we quarreled upon.”
“Might I ask,” Mrs. Gardiner took Elizabeth’s arm, and they walked circles around the garden together, “are we the subject of dispute? Your uncle and I.”
“Chiefly, but he also speaks of everyone in the neighborhood and in my family with contempt. Except for Jane, I suppose. And he respects Papa a little… And he likes Charlotte. But I told him how important you are to me, and I begged him to let me have you dine with us, and he spoke of howhisfamily is the only one which matters. Oh — I become so angry when I remember his words ‘You cannot expect me to rejoice at the inferiority of your connections’ I could claw him. How dare he throw what inferiority there is in my face. And now his sister has gone off to elope. None ofmyconnections have ever eloped.”
“Lydia would happily go off as a joke given a half hour of encouragement from the wrong man,” Mrs. Gardiner replied dryly. “You know we would never wish you to give up a highly advantageous match for our sake.”
“I did not accept his offer out of hope of material benefits… maybe concern for Jane’s wellbeing played a part in overcoming my frustration with how he spoke of my family — He compared marrying me to picking up a pearl from amongst the muck. I’ll not marry him if that remains his attitude.”
“Then,” Mrs. Gardiner smiled, “I only question is whatheshall do. If he is worthy of you, he will see the justice of what you have asked. And if he refuses to bend, you will know that he is not worthy of you.”
Elizabeth embraced Mrs. Gardiner again. “I’d be heartbroken. I would.”
Her aunt held her close. “I know. I know. My dear, you shall stay with us if that happens. I know how your mother would hector you afterwards, at a time when you least deserve to face the heat of her anger.”
“I… I hardly know what to expect. I cannot expect him to change who he is for me.”
“Why not? Would you not be willing to change for him?”
Elizabeth blinked.
That was a different thought than one she had before, and it somehow changed something in her mind about how she thought about Mr. Darcy’s actions and words. “Not… not in essentials. I consider my love for you to be a matter of essentials.”
“Good, a marriage established upon such a basis — a need to change your fundamental nature would never work. But, well you ought to be flexible. There are many matters that you might feel certain upon how you feel about, but which in practice you would not dislike so much. Above all —talkwith your young man. And talk the matter out to its end before you make any choice that cannot be changed.” Mrs. Gardiner smiled at Elizabeth. “Back inside now — too cold today to walk about in this wind, no matter how much we prefer the quiet for conversation.”
The evening after they were meant to be married, Elizabeth received a letter from Darcy. It was written the previous day, the day that they were to have married:
My Dearest Elizabeth,
I have ridden through the day and well into the night for two days now. My cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam joined me this morning, and we have made good time, but only a miracle would allow us to reach the couple before their unhappy nuptials are accomplished. We do know they are headed to Scotland along The Great North Road as at each station we pass through, there are many who remember a group matching their description.
I do not know how quickly I shall be able to return, but I long to hold you again, to hear your voice, and see your smile. Elizabeth, I love you, with all my heart and soul. I know that I have offended you greatly. I can hardly express my thoughts, I only half understand them myself. There was justice to your complaint, and I shall seek to honor it. I must seal this quickly, so that the man taking it may leave. Give my greetings to your aunt and uncle. And to all your family.
F Darcy
This letter gave Elizabeth a small glow of hope after she read it. Perhaps… perhaps he understood. She missed him miserably.
That night Elizabeth could hardly sleep, her mind was full of Mr. Darcy, images of their conversation, the letter she had received. She did not want him to be the only one to do something difficult for her.
The next morning, though, Elizabeth was quite anxious about the matter. She spoke with her father about making another attempt to learn to ride a horse. If she could overcome her fear, she would make Mr. Darcy happier and it would show she was willing to do things that were difficult for her, when it was not a matter of changing in essentials.
Her sense of fairness demanded she at leasttrywith her full determination to overcome the fear that had kept her from horses before — and she knew that she had not when Mr. Darcy came with Daisy.
The docile mare that Mr. Darcy had purchased for her was still at the stables in Meryton for her, and at the recommendation of Mr. Phillips they engaged a man to teach her named Mr. Brown who was the stablemaster at an estate eight miles away. He was known for success in helping those with a fear of horses learn to ride.
As Elizabeth had communicated her very strong desire to make a beginning on this before Mr. Darcy returned to Meryton, the man was convinced to come out and give Elizabeth her first lesson that afternoon. Much of the family came out to watch her, and Jane sat nearby on a seat, where she could hear everything that passed.
Even though it was a mare, the horse Darcy had purchased was big.
