Bingley looked at Darcy with a raised eyebrow.
“She overheard me insult her appearance at the assembly ball we went to when I had just arrived at Netherfield, she believed Mr. Wickham’s tales about my dishonorable treatment of him, and… well, I had convinced her of my arrogant disdain for the feelings of everyone.”
“That is not fair!” Bingley exclaimed. “How could she say such a thing about you? How could she think such a thing?”
“Perhaps because I looked at anyone in the neighborhood with a sneer — especially her mother and some of her sisters, I refused to converse if I ever could avoid it, and I believed myself fundamentally better than those I was surrounded with. They were beneath me in rank, they were not my neighbors, and thus I had no cause to unbend myself.”
This time Bingley did not protest loudly about Darcy’s innocence from his self-accusation.
For perhaps the first time in the conversation, Darcy found himself able to look directly at his friend.
Bingley smiled a little helplessly and shrugged, and said, “I was a little embarrassed by your behavior, to be honest, but it is your way. It's notyourjob to courtmyneighbors. Andtheythought it odd that I had a friend such as you. But that wasmybusiness, after all. But now that you explain the matter, I do see how Miss Elizabeth might have come to think ill of you. She didn’t know you the way I do, after all.”
“I embarrassed you?” Darcy flushed and looked down.
“Not important, not important.” Bingley waved it away. “Only a little.”
“Jove, I am glad Colonel Fitzwilliam is not here to hear this conversation. He’d never cease to tease me about the matter.”
Bingley laughed.
“The chief point,” Darcy said, “is that I believe that I was wrong. And let me be clear, on the question of whether Miss Bennet admired you, all I did was watch the two of you talk for the best of an hour. I watched to see unambiguous signs of affection… but I also did not want to see them. When you say that you thought she understood you… how wouldIknow? I lived with Elizabeth for six weeks without knowing much of what was most important in her mind — I assumed so much.”
“But what if she cannot forgive me? Or what if you were right then, and wrong now? Or what if…” Bingley looked at his hands. “So much could go wrong.”
They both looked back out at the inner courtyard. The rain had somewhat slackened, but it was still spraying the window with small droplets, and the sky was wholly overcast.
Darcy said, “I mangled things by recommending you first in one direction, and then in the other — I have proven that I am no fit man to give advice on a matter of delicacy. You love her — the way you greeted me is proof of that. And… love must always be a risk. Perhaps she does not like you but will accept you anyway. Perhaps she does not like you and she will refuse you. Perhaps she loves you… Jove. Bingley, make your own choice.”
The young man was looking at Darcy with a twisted smile.
“What?”
“I dare say I’ve never heard you sound uncertain.”
“I dare say I’ve never felt so uncertain as I have these past two weeks.”
Chapter Seventeen
After their conversation Bingley hared off posthaste on the road to Longbourn, barely giving Darcy time enough to convey a wish of the best of luck and ask Bingley to convey his greetings to his wife’s family.
The matter was now out of his hands, and if Jane and Bingley did not reconcile, his conscience would know that he had done as best he could to repair the damage of his poor judgement. And if Bingley did receive a favorable response,hewould enter the married state without reservation, misunderstandings, serious fear that his wife disliked him, or a disdain for his own judgement in the matter.
Jove, he just wished he could show Elizabeth that he wished to become worthy of her.
At least if matters between Bingley and Jane went well,shewould be happy.
That was a worthy cause for its own sake.
He imagined Elizabeth smiling as she received a letter from her sister with the happy news, and including a line about how disordered Bingley’s coat was from his long ride to Longbourn. The image made his heart glow.
He just wanted her to be happy, and that seemed to himnowto be the principal reason that he had not been happy these past weeks — he feared that she could never be happy with him.
She might think better of me once she hears that I arranged for Bingley to call on Miss Bennet again.
That thought frustrated Darcy. He despised it. It was beneath him.
When there is a matter of principle, one should act in accordance with the principle. A good deed ought to be done forits own sake, not in hope of reward.
