Darcy did not like to see her anxious or unhappy in any way. He wished he could take her hand and smooth it out. She had several times let him take her hand when they talked at night, but at present…it seemed impossible.
The room was emptied.
Elizabeth still did not look at him.
They waited. The air was rather cool due to the open windows letting in the sea breeze. The curtains flapped with gusts of wind.
She held up her hand and looked at it. “I do not know why I am trembling. I have decided what I shall do. I merely hate…”
Darcy took her hand and held it. He ignored the spasm of pain as he leaned forward and shifted the damaged ribs and still healing wound about.
She squeezed his hand tightly.
She still did not look at him.
“I have certain conditions,” Elizabeth said slowly. “Things you must promise me before I can agree.”
A wave of relief went through Darcy. “Anything.”
Shenowlooked at him. That mischievous quirk of her eyes that he loved so much.
“Well, since I now know that you’ll give me anything I ask at this time, I must come up with a really excessive request.”
“I am at your mercy.”
She frowned instead of smiling. “But are you? In marriage it is the woman whose life can be constrained—the law does nothing to control a man with no sense of honor—Why? Why really do you wish to marry me?”
“I have told you.” Darcy did not understand what she meant to ask for. Did she hope for an expression of affection? A proclamation of deepest love?
But Darcy did not feel what he thought love to be, he only knew that he absolutely could not allow Elizabeth to leave, to struggle, and to not be in his life.
She took in a deep breath and let it out. “That is what…I wished to hear. Yes. Good. Yes. Uhhhhh…now let me remember. Oh, yes.” She breathed shallowly several times without speaking again.
“Elizabeth, breathe deeply, and find something to laugh about. Oh, and then go do something useful.”
She laughed and grinned at him. “Thatiswhat I would say to myself is it not? My first condition—though I suppose this is not a condition. This is what your character will demand of you, so long as you are aware of the matter: I expect my position and honor amongst your family to be defended by you. I have neither the manners, the education, nor the background that they shall expect. Theywillconsider me a fortune hunter. I think that had Colonel Fitzwilliam not witnessed himself my reaction to your proposal, he would still be convinced that I am a fortune hunter, despite the three weeks acquaintance we have had. I think that is what he feared I was when we first met. Maybe I am a fortune hunter.”
“Youcertainly are not.”
“You are in a state of emotional turmoil. A gentleman who cannot be said to be in his right mind. And now I am accepting you because I hope it will benefit my children. Does that not make me a fortune hunter?”
Darcy felt an odd prick of disappointment at her saying that. Athernot making some dramatic declaration of love and affection herself. But there was also the way that she looked at him. Anxious eyes. She was such a strong woman, yet so vulnerable, so easily frightened, and in a position where sheneededhim to be able to live the life that she deserved to have.
His stomach felt light and hollow, and he could not swallow. Something was caught in his throat.
“You are what you ought to be,” Darcy said. “Precisely that.”
“You are nothing like Wickham was. If you resembled him in the slightest, if I did not have a complete trust in your character and goodness,I could never bring myself to enter the married state once more, no matter what advantages might accrue from it. And you speak of duty, and of practical matters, and of…of how you wish to act. Not of the grand romance, the great gesture, the overpowering feeling of a Byronic stupidity. Not about that damned thing, love.”
“No. But also friendship. I hope you think us dear friends.”
“Yes—though of course one must account for us having only been friends for a month, and under such odd circumstances.” She smiled at him, with a sort of appealing look that begged him to agree. “We shall yet come to know each other far better. To be tested and old friends also.”
“Yes.”
She took another deep breath.
Darcy realized: She hated talk of love and romance because she distrusted any such feelings in herself.
