“’Tis not about fairness when it comes to protecting my country.” He hesitated, clearly undecided if he wanted to go on. Yet he did. “And whilst I assume you mean two people should not be forced together like this, I remain curious. Why do you think ‘tis not fair to me?”
Whileforcedtogether sounded a little harsh, in essence, that’s exactly what had happened. It still hurt, though, mainly because she didn’t feel forced. Not at all. And she should. She should be upset that she’d been thrust through time and destined for a stranger, but she wasn’t. Because Aidan didn’t feel like a stranger. He felt like a friend. Like someone she wanted to spend a whole lot more time with.
“This isn’t fair to you because you deserve to truly love who you’re with.” This time she did touch him, squeezing his hand, saying words she never thought she’d say. “Magical Claddagh ring or not, you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t love with your whole heart.” She shook her head. “Nobody should. Simple as that.”
Aidan considered her for a moment before he, in essence, bared his deepest fears. “What if I didnae love another with my whole heart?”
When she frowned in confusion, he continued.
“I sometimes wonder, what if I didnae love Maeve as deeply as I should have, and she somehow sensed it?” He sighed, clearly perplexed, seeking a deeper understanding. “What if that’s why she loved Cray too? Because deep down, she saw something in me that gave her pause?”
With his concern came his thoughts and the truth behind his words.
“You loved her deeply,” she said softly, sure of it. “And she didn’t doubt that.”
She searched his truth, understanding what he wasn’t saying. She herself had been a point of contention. An unknown woman across time.
“You think because of your family’s fated connection to us Brouns that some part of you already belonged to another,” she went on. “That you couldn’t possibly love her with all your heart. That’s why she strayed. Why she loved another.”
“Aye,” he murmured. “’Tis not such a far-fetched idea.”
“It’s not,” she agreed, preferring to be truthful. “Any woman might feel that way. I mean, who wants to hook up with a guy that’s destined for another? That no matter how much he claims to love her, his family history says he’ll ultimately love someone else?”
“Aye,” he said. “Because of that, her actions were understandable.”
She didn’t find anyone’s actions understandable if they hurt him, but that wasn’t the point of the conversation. And definitely not what she wanted to convey.
“There’s only one catch to your theory.” This probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was telling. “If some small part of her worried that you would someday love another, why fall for another guy with the same family lineage? Why risk getting hurt not once but twice?”
“I would not have hurt her,” he swore, but she saw something flicker in his eyes that might be doubt.
Rather than respond right away, he continued walking and picked various plants, all the while describing how they tasted and what they could be used for. She waited him out because she knew he was a contemplative sort by nature. He needed to find clarity through thought and reason. Whatever his ultimate conclusions, though, one thing was certain. Something had shifted in him. Changed. She felt it like she felt her heart beating in her chest.
Eventually, in a roundabout way, he returned to their conversation.
“I apologize for my behavior this morn.” He urged her to sit beside him on a log and handed her berries, assuring her they were safe to eat. “’Twas verra out of character for me to attack Cray when he was only trying to protect you.”
She knew that but preferred to act clueless for now.
“Protect me?” She sampled a berry, surprised by its sweetness.
“Aye, Cray was protecting you from being hurt by my love for Maeve the only way he knows how to lately. With anger.” He sighed. “Essentially, he was telling me I was a fool for holding onto her when I had you.”
“Had me?” she said softly, not sure what to make of that. She intended to stick to her guns. “You don’t have me, Aidan. Not yet.” She met his eyes. “Maybe never.”
Destined love or not, she refused to share him with a ghost.
His pupils flared, but he offered no response to that. Instead, he refocused on their earlier conversation.
“I have given a great deal of thought to our discussion about Maeve meeting Cray before me,” he said. “That they might have found love first.”
She swallowed a berry and eyed him, interested in what sort of conclusion he had come to. “And?”
“And I believe now it could have happened,” he replied. “That they formed a connection that quickly.” His voice dropped an octave. “That mayhap my frustration with Cray has been misplaced.”
“Just frustration, eh?” She gave him a look. “I’d say it was a bit more than that. You’ve just been good at hiding it until now.”
“’Twas for the best,” he replied. “And...”
When he trailed off, she realized he struggled with something he had never shared with anyone.
“And, what, Aidan?”
“I made Maeve a promise on her deathbed.” His eyes grew turbulent. “A promise that I see now I never should have made.”
