How was it fair that my sire was dead and hestillgot in the way of all my fun?
Because that's how it's supposed to be,a voice in my head answered. My own, this time.You're supposed to be loyal to your sire, your coven. You're not supposed to be making out with the people who slaughtered so many of your family.
I swallowed, trying to push those thoughts out of my mind.
"Silas?" Jared prompted.
"I'm..." I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" Jared's grip on my shoulders loosened, as if he wanted to give me the option to get away if that was what I needed, but I stayed where I was. I wanted to be with Jared.
Except I also knew how wrong that was.
We could have been together if he'd responded to my kiss back when I was Michael, but we'd missed that chance. I wasn't Michael anymore, and it was too late for us now.
"I can't be with anyone but my sire," I said, the words leaving me in a rush. Both because I was embarrassed and because I just wanted to get this conversation over with.
Jared considered me quietly. I dropped my gaze to his lap. He'd been hard only a moment ago. He wasn't hard now. I closed my eyes, but didn't allow myself to bask in the pheromones I could still feel coming off him. What did it matter if he wanted me, if he thought I was pretty?
"I understand if you need time to mourn your sire," Jared said.
I shook my head. "It's not like that. It's like..." I trailed off, words failing me. "You wouldn't understand." What would Jared think of me if I told him that I was bound by the orders of a dead man?
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but you still need to find a way to work through it."
"I don't know if it's something that can be worked through." I exhaled, feeling myself slump. I wanted to lean against Jared again, but what if that would make me hear my sire's voice again? I couldn't put up with any more of that. Not tonight. "I should go back to my room. I'm sorry for leading you on."
"Look at me."
I forced myself to meet Jared's gaze.
"You haven't done anything you need to feel sorry for.“
I made myself nod, even though I didn't believe him.
