"But I'm not attracted to guys," he argued. "I'm only attracted to you." He paused. "That's part of why I didn't act on it. It didn't make sense."
"But you want to fuck me?" I asked, if only to see if it would make him blush. He didn't blush, though. I looked up and our eyes met. A shiver went down my spine as his desire for me whispered across my skin. He wasn't blushing, but the idea of sleeping with me certainly stirredsomethingin him.
"I wouldn't phrase it like that," he said.
"I don't carehowyou phrase it," I shot back. My eyes lingered on his lips again before roaming the rest of his body, his firm chest, his strong arms... I wondered what it would be like to be held by him as his cock stretched me wide open. The image made my pants grow tight.
Nicolai had never let me sleep with other men. I'd looked and I'd fantasized and I'd drawn people to me with my talents, but only to bite them. My sire's orders had been firm—and absolute. I was never to let anyone else fuck me.
Something else he told me to be grateful for.
I reallyshouldbe, after the life I'd led.
Sitting here with Jared now, though, I couldn't help but want to be under him. I didn't know if it was some remnant of my old self's crush, or a new crush, or just the way his hands gripped my hips and made me want to rock up against him. Or the way he looked at me, as if I was someone worth caring about, even in spite of all the horrible things I had done.
I leaned closer until our foreheads almost touched. "I'm going to kiss you," I said, feeling bolder than I had in a long time, almost as if just being near Jared spoke to a part of me that I thought was dead. I held on to it as Jared’s gaze dropped to my lips. The gentle stream of attraction flowing from his turned into a wild current.
Now or never.
Taking the plunge once more, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to his, hoping that this time, the water I'd be diving into wouldn't be cold.
Thankfully, there was nothing cold about the waves of desire that crashed over me now.
Jared's hands rose from my hips to my back as he drew me even closer. I sighed against his lips, finally,finallygetting what I wanted. It was true that I'd only really known Jared for a couple of days, but there was a part of me that had been waiting for him to do this for years, and that long-buried part of me had never been more at the forefront of my mind than it was now.
Jared's tongue rubbed against mine. I tilted my head to give him better access, wanting him to kiss me harder. I was used to bruising, claiming kisses. Kisses that established dominance. Jared didn't kiss me like that. His lips were gentle on mine, even as his fingers curled in my hair. Almost as if he was afraid he might break me.
I knew what he was trying to do, wanting to be different from the men who usually kissed me. It was sweet, but it wasn't working for me. It was... lacking... something. It wasn't enough to chase my sire's ghost from my mind.
Breaking the kiss, I peered into his eyes. "If you want me, you need to own me."
Jared stared back at me, his expression unreadable. The next moment, he grabbed my chin and crushed our lips together again, no restraint this time. My mouth fell open in a moan. He used the opportunity to slide his tongue between my lips, ravaging my mouth in a way that left me breathless. He wasn't trying to keep a lid on his desires now. I could read them in the air around us. It wasn't like my talent could tell me in exactly what ways he wanted to use my body, but it gave me a pretty good idea.He wanted to fuck me, hard and deep and without restraint.
Almost immediately, blood swooped to my groin. God, I wanted this man. I moaned against his lips, which only made him go at it harder. Perfect. It was fucking perfect.
While Jared was kissing me like this, one hand twisting in my hair and one hand digging into my ass, there was nowayI could think about anything else.
Until I heard my sire's voice in my head.
You will never let another man touch you the way I touch you.
I gasped, shocked at how real and immediate Nicolai's voice sounded in my head. For a split second, it was as if he were still alive and talking to me, only I knew that couldn't be true. My sire was powerful, but not powerful enough to rise from the dead a second time.
Push through it,I told myself, because I wasn't ready for Jared to stop touching me yet. I didn't want to let my sire hold me back from this. He wasn't here anymore, so he shouldn't get a say in who I fucked.
Jared's fingers moved over my body. I tried to focus on his touch. His hands were large and strong. I wanted to feel them underneath my clothes, against my skin, exploring every inch of me.
Again, my sire's order rang through my head. Sharper now.
Ignore it,I chanted to myself.
Only now Jared was starting to notice that I wasn't moving. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him in return, let my fingers roam over his abs and pecs, but I couldn't. Not while I needed all my focus just to keep myself in place rather than bolting from the room.
My sire's orders used to have the power to make me move, even when I didn't want to. I wasn't moving now, but it took every bit of mental strength I had to remain still.
"What's wrong?" Jared asked, his hands on my shoulders and his eyes fixed on mine.
I felt a little bit like crying.
