Her cheeks were flushed, her breathing coming in short little pants. He’ddieif she wanted to stop, but he’d do it.
Her hazel gaze, cloudy with desire, with everything he felt reflected back at him never wavered.
She shook her head. “Don’t stop,” she whispered.
So he didn’t. Couldn’t. He undid the fasten of his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He didn’t see any way else to do this than to lift her. He used the wall for leverage as she gripped his shoulders. He moved her underwear aside and found the soft heat of her and slid home. Like every point of his life had been leading him here, to this perfect moment.
She was already shuddering apart on a gasp that sounded a hell of a lot like his name. He let her ride it out, held her there.
Then set about bringing her up to another peak, even as sensation swamped him. The smell of her perfume, the soft, perfect glide of her. Building, building, building.
He didn’t know how it could all be so good, sodifferentthan anything he’d ever experienced before. Except that it was her. And she was his.
His own release came on a kind of ear-ringing explosion with Lara shuddering around him. His muscles shook, from the effort of holding her up and remaining upright himself.
He rested his forehead on her shoulder, trying to get his breath back before he put her down. It took a few minutes to trust his muscles enough to move. To ease her onto her own feet.
He made sure she was steady before he fully released her. The second he did, she took a few steps away from him. He couldn’t tell what she was doing since she had her back to him, but he assumed tugging the front of her dress back into place.
So he took care of himself too. Theywerein the museum. Jesus. He raked a hand through his hair. Okay, that had gotten a little out of hand, but… He nearly laughed. Maybe it was a nice story. Wasn’t out of hand at least a little romantic? And there’d be plenty of time for romance in the future. He’d make sure of it.
“I don’t think we should have done that.”
For a second, he could only stare at her back in bafflement. His blood was still pumping too loudly in his ears. He must have…misheard. Or he was just misunderstanding something. This had been a bit too much too fast—the museum, the… “We got a little carried away. I didn’t use anything. I’m sorry. I?—”
“No, it isn’t that. I’m on birth control. It’s… We’re friends.” She turned to face him, hands clasped together at her waist. Chin raised. Eyes notquitemeeting his. “That’s all we are.”
It hurt, the flat way she said that when he was still reeling from…everything, but she was wrong. “That isn’t all we are, Lara. This being a pretty big case in point.”
“You’ve had a lot of upheaval,” she said in a tone that was familiar, though he hadn’t heard it in a while. Therapy speak. And he knew her grief counseling had certainly helped her when they’d been younger, but sometimes she brought out the words she’d learned there and used them as a kind of shield. He’d never liked it, but he figured she had a right to. She’d lost so much.
But now was not the time, no matter what she’d been through as a kid.
“You’re looking for things that feel stable and like home. It’s understandable,” she continued. Likehewas the problem here.
He had been the problem enough in his life, maybe he should take one for the team, but he couldn’t seem to do it. “No. You won’t turn this on me. This isn’t aboutupheaval. It’s about…the opposite.”
“This was just a blip. A one-time mistake.” She gave a little nod, like she could make it so by saying it out loud. “If we acknowledge that now, it doesn’t have to change anything.”
He couldn’t believe what she was saying, except at least now he could identify therealissue.
Change.
He felt for her. He really did. The trauma she’d suffered was huge. Unimaginable. But this had alreadyhappened. There was no shoving it back in the box they’d both carefully kept it in most of their adult lives.
She just needed to understand… He was in. He was all in. She just needed to trust that and then…
Then they could both have what they’d always deserved. “Why wouldn’t I want it to change things?” he asked her gently, moving toward her. “I want this.”
She took a step away for every one he took toward her, like he was threatening some kind of physical blow.
“Well, I don’t want it.”
She was shutting him out more effectively than she’d ever done before, and he couldn’t ignore his own hurt enough to bypass it. “And I don’t get a reason why?”
She looked at him like she didn’t understand what he was saying. His temper was starting to flicker to life. He tried to tamp it down, but it’s not like he’d railroaded her into this thing she was already closing the door on.
She’d been a willing and active participant. Maybe the experience had been different for her. Maybe it didn’t feel, to her, like it had altered her very existence, andmaybethat was fine. But he damn well was going to have an honest conversation about that.
