“You kissed me back. You said you didn’t want me to stop. This wasn’t someaccidentneither of us meant. We both knew what we were doing, and we both wanted to do it.”
“Yes, I know. I’m not arguing that. But it was a mistake.”
All his life, he thought he’d known her so well, but he couldn’t seem to find that typical understanding in this moment. “Why the hell would it be a mistake?”
“You… you’re going through a lot. Losing something, a dream. I’m familiar. I’m comfortable. So you’re reaching out for that to make this transition easier.”
For a moment he could only stare at her. She was diminishing everything that had just happened into him trying to make somethingeasier? Like this didn’t matter. Liketheydidn’t matter.
Just like with her paintings. Just like her whole thing with Adam. Like it wasn’t a big deal, like she wasn’t good enough, like it didn’tmatter.
“That’s what you tell yourself isn’t it? SoIdon’t have to matter. Soyoudon’t have to matter.”
“Of course you matter.” She looked at him with entreaty in her hazel eyes. “But this was simply a…a blip. One we should set aside. Let’s not make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.”
“Bigger deal?” Everything he’d thought… Maybe he just wasn’t being clear enough, direct enough. Too many years of knowing he’d leave meant she wasn’t used to being sure of him. Maybe she thought it had been easy on him. Maybe she justdidn’t realize how much he’d missed her when he’d been away. How much it meant to him to see her again. Every time.
She just needed the full picture, and then she would understand. She would stop trying to push this away. Shehadto.
“Lara, I am inlovewith you.”
But that clearly didn’t help, because she shook her head. “We’re friends. We love each other like friends.”
“No.” His response was pure instinct. Maybe if he didn’t feel so much, he could handle this better, but… “No, not likefriends. You are the most important person in my life. Iloveyou and I want to be with you, and now I’m finally building a life here so wecan. Don’t tell me you don’t want that.”
“But I don’t!” she yelled it, her breath hitching, but her eyes were wide with nothing but panic even as temper flushed her cheeks. “I told you I don’t want this. Anything like this. I didn’t want it with Adam, and I don’t want it with you.”
He inhaled sharply, the pain of it so visceral it actually felt like someone had stabbed him straight through.
He didn’t like being lumped in with some guy she’d gone out with for six months or whatever. He didn’t likeanyof this, but if she was panicking, he had to stay calm. What was it she’d said about Adam? That everyone and everything died, so why bother?
But there were so many reasons tobother.How did she live her life without knowing that?
How did she lump him in the same group asAdam? He wasn’t some random guy.
“We’re all going to die someday, Lara. Is it really going to hurt less if you’re just my friend instead of something more?”
She sucked in a breath like he’d finally landed the blow, and the panic on her face didn’t ease. Still, she didn’t engage with anything he said. Just kept that brick wall in place.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want this. And no amount of talking it out or yelling at each other is going to change that.”
“No, heaven forbid Lara Townsendchange,” he muttered, temper beating at the ways he was usually easy on her. The ways he usually didn’tpushbecause he wasn’t staying, and she’d been through enough.
But this was different, damn it. “Staying in one place doesn’t bring them back. It doesn’t change that things are going to hurt. And you’ve lived too long to not know that. Believe that.”
It was probably too mean, too harsh, too on the nose. He probably wasn’t being supportive enough to someone who’d suffered such tragedy.
But at the moment? He really didn’t care.
“It isn’t about that,” she said, still shaking her head. “I just don’t want this.”
That knife that had been lodged in his heart twisted. He didn’t necessarily think that was true, but in this moment, it hurt too much to argue with her, and he sure as hell had come too far in his life tobeg.
So he turned on a heel and walked away.
Chapter Nine
He left her there. Standing in the middle of the museum. Lost. Still throbbing a little.
