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I go to the computer as soon as I wake up the next morning. But there’s no email from Rhiannon. I send her another apology. I send her more thanks for the day. Sometimes when you hit send, you can imagine the message going straight into the person’s heart. But other times, like this time, it feels like the words are merely falling into a well.
I head to the social-networking sites, searching for something more. I see that Austin and Hugo still list their relationship status as being together—a good sign. Kelsea’s page is locked to non-friends. So there’s proof of one thing I managed to save, and another where saving is possible.
I have to remind myself it’s not all bad.
Then there’s Nathan. The coverage of him continues. Reverend Poole is getting more testimony by the day, and the news sites are eating it up. Even the Onion is getting into the act, with the headline: WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS TO REVEREND POOLE: ‘THE DEVIL MADE ME EAT THE PLUM.’ If smart people are parodying it, that’s a sure sign that some less smart people are believing it.
But what can I do? Nathan wants his proof, but I’m not sure I have any to give. All I have is my word, and what kind of proof is that?
Today I’m a boy named AJ. He has diabetes, so I have a whole other layer of concerns on top of my usual ones. I’ve been diabetic a couple of times, and the first time was harrowing. Not because diabetes isn’t controllable, but because I had to rely on the body’s memories to tell me what to look out for, and how to manage it. I ended up pretending I wasn’t feeling well, just so my mother would stay at home and monitor my health with me. Now I feel I can handle it, but I am very attentive to what the body is telling me, much more so than I usually am.
AJ is full of idiosyncrasies that probably don’t seem all that idiosyncratic to him anymore. He’s a sports fanatic—he plays soccer on the JV squad, but his real love is baseball. His head is full of statistics, facts and figures extrapolated into thousands of different combinations and comparisons. In the meantime, his room is a shrine to the Beatles, and it appears that George is by far his favorite. It isn’t hard to figure out what he’s going to wear, because his entire wardrobe is blue jeans and different variations of the same button-down shirt. There are also more baseball caps than I can imagine anyone needing, but I figure he’s not allowed to wear those to school.
It’s a relief, in many ways, to be a guy who doesn’t mind riding the bus, who has friends waiting for him when he gets on, who doesn’t have to deal with anything more troubling than the fact that he ate breakfast and is still hungry.
It’s an ordinary day, and I try to lose myself in that.
But between third and fourth periods, I’m dragged right back. Because there, right in the hall, is Nathan Daldry.
At first I think I might be mistaken. There are plenty of kids who could look like Nathan. But then I see the way the other kids in the hall are reacting to him, as if he’s this walking joke. He’s trying to make it seem like he doesn’t notice the laughter, the snickers, the snarky comments. But he can’t hide how uncomfortable he is.
I think: He deserves this. He didn’t have to say a word. He could’ve just let it slide.
And I think: It’s my fault. I’m the one who did this to him.
I access AJ and find out that he and Nathan were goo
d friends in elementary school, and are still friendly now. So it makes sense that when he passes by me, I say hello. And that he says hello back.
I sit with my friends at lunch. Some of the guys ask me about the game last night, and I answer vaguely, accessing the whole time.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nathan sit down at his own table, eating alone. I don’t remember him being friendless, just dull. But it looks as if he’s friendless now.
“I’m going to go talk to Nathan,” I tell my friends.
One of them groans. “Really? I’m so sick of him.”
“I hear he’s doing talk shows now,” another chimes in.
“You would think the devil would have more important things to do than take a Subaru for a joyride on a Saturday night.”
“Seriously.”
I pick up my tray before the conversation can go any further, and tell them I’ll see them later.
Nathan sees me coming over, but still seems surprised when I sit down with him.
“Do you mind?” I ask.
“No,” he says. “Not at all.”
I don’t know what I’m doing. I think of his last email—PROVE IT—and half expect those words to flash from his eyes, for there to be some challenge that I will have to meet. I am the proof. I am right in front of him. But he doesn’t know that.
“So how are you doing?” I ask, picking up a fry, trying to act like this is a normal lunchtime conversation between friends.
“Okay, I guess.” I get a sense that for all the attention people have been giving him, not many people have been asking him how he’s doing.
“So what’s new?”
