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I broke into tears and started sobbing. I don’t know what came over me but I just lost it. I covered my face with my arms and leaned against a wooden beam to let loose my tears.
“Oh honey,” Lauren said as she jumped up and rushed to me.
She wrapped her arms around me and suddenly I felt guilty for feeling anger toward her. I had no right to judge her.
“I just…I love you guys,” I said through my arms.
“We know, baby,” Lauren said. “We love you too. We’ve watched you grow and change so much. You’re amazing.”
I sat up and wiped my tears to see all the women surrounding me with that “oh poor baby” look on their faces. They did love me. I knew they did.
It took a little while to regain my composure but once I did I was okay. I was back to normal.
“Things are going to be different for you from today on,” Sienna informed me.
I’d heard all this before. I’d been prepped for this day for a long time. I’d seen the doctor to get started on my fertility vitamins, a special souped up concoction of herbs and special ingredients that were supposed to make me more likely
to have a female child.
“Tonight, you may be invited for suitor visits. That’s a big deal. That means your innocence will be gone. And…”
Sienna stopped as if not sure which words to use.
“I think what Sienna wants to say, Jessica,” Adriana said, “is once you have sex for the first time, there’s a good chance that you’re going to want to do it again and again. It’s kind of addictive.”
“It’s like cocaine, baby!” Bethany shouted.
Everyone laughed.
“It’s a special kind of drug,” Twyla agreed.
“It’s just special. You may find that all you have on your mind is sex,” Jewels said. “And that might not be your attitude forever, but we’ve all been there. Especially when your second and third suitors come along. The most important thing is that you don’t become addicted to the sex. Some women have denied suitors only because they want to continue to have suitor visits. Does that make sense?”
I thought it did. So they were saying some new Doves become whores. It made sense and I could totally see some girls doing that. I could almost see myself doing it. Whoever had started that tradition was one smart chick.
“Be prepared for Gavin to ask you for a suitor visit,” Samantha said.
“Gavin?” I asked. “Oh gross. I think I’m gonna be sick.”
The women all laughed.
“Gavin isn’t that bad,” Twyla said. “If you’re looking for a sexual partner who will never tire, that’s your dude. Just put on your rocker girl hat and do the business. He could be your third husband, you know, the one you go to when the other two aren’t around or you’re not having sex as often as you’d like. Or if you really want to try for a daughter. Gavin will never tell you no that’s for sure. He might be a bit older but he’s insatiable in the sack.”
“I can’t,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
It’s not that Gavin was ugly or anything. I mean he was okay. He was just…old. Not even that old…more like used. He was like a used tire.
“Just something to think about,” Sienna added. “Cause I’m sure he will ask you.”
“And how do you say no, graciously?” I asked. “I mean if he asks me tonight the whole town will be watching.”
“Good question,” Lauren said. “Just say…say that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and that you’d like to take all of the requests into consideration and get back to all potential suitors.”
Everyone clapped and said things like, “Good idea,” and “Yeah, that oughtta work.”
I asked her to repeat it and then committed it to memory.
***
