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“Wow,” she said, laughing uneasily again. She tugged on a piece of hair and wrapped it around her finger, fighting the panic rising in her chest. Where the heck was he going with this? She couldn’t think of a single reason why he’d ask her that. “Deep talk. Are you sure we’re ready for this? I mean, we literally just finished having sex for the first time.”
“I think it’s a great time, because you said that you didn’t think I was a mistake.” He rolled off the bed, walked over to the trash can, disposed of the condom, and then picked up his pants. After stepping into them, he buttoned and zipped them up, and smoothed his hair. He looked unbelievably, undeniably, hot as hell. “After which you immediately tried to run away.”
“I didn’t run.” She held her hands out. “I didn’t even get out of bed.”
“Doesn’t mean you weren’t running.” He frowned at her, catching her gaze and refusing to let go. “You’re pushing me away again, just like you do every time I get too close to you. It’s getting really fucking old, Maggie.”
Had she done that?
Yeah, okay. She kind of had, but it wasn’t an intentional slight.
It was just…habit.
In her experience, once men got what they wanted—aka sex—they were done with you. She’d given him that, so it was only a matter of time till he left, or did something drastically horrible to ruin everything.
It’s what men did.
Especially the ones she dated.
“I’m sorry,” she said. It wasn’t enough, but it was true. “I didn’t mean to do that. To hurt you.”
He didn’t reply, just rolled his hands into tight fists. She knew she’d messed up everything with her knee jerk reaction to the way he made her feel, so she swallowed hard and stared at the fan again. It was safer than looking at him. It didn’t offer much distraction, but she did notice she needed to dust it. And—
He let out an irritated sound. “Look at me.”
She fisted the comforter underneath of her and slowly turned to him, as he’d requested. He wasn’t naked anymore, while she was, and it felt weird.
Sitting up, she hugged her knees, trying to shield herself in more ways than one. “What do you want from me, Benjamin?”
“You. Just you.” He must’ve read something in her expression, because he picked up her robe and tossed it at her. She caught it easily. “You say one thing, and then do another, and I have no damn clue what you want from me. You’ve been hurt before, and you’re scared to risk letting another man in. But you’ve got to try, or we don’t stand a chance in hell of making it outside this room. Can you do that? Can you let me in?”
Her throat throbbed, and she could feel tears looming. Not because she was upset or in pain, but because he got her. Like, really got her, and that was both frightening and enlightening all at once. She shrugged into her robe and hugged it closed. “You’re right. I am scared. But that’s because I see how—”
“How this ends,” he finished.
She swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
“Bullshit.” He dragged his hand through his hair and sat beside her. Reaching out, he caught both her hands in his. “You can’t know how something is going to end before it even begins. It’s not humanly possible.”
“I think it began a while ago, so it’s not too hard to understand what comes next.”
“So what happens now?” He squeezed her fingers. “Go on. Tell me.”
She lifted a shoulder. “You got what you wanted, so you leave.”
He let her go. “Excuse me?”
“Sex.” She bit her tongue. “You got it, and now you’ll move on.”
“Is that really what you think of me?” he asked quietly. He sounded…hurt. She turned to him. His blue eyes were dark and haunted. “Do you think I fucked you, and now I’m finished with you? Just like that?”
“Not to hurt me, or anything. It’s not anything personal. It’s just…” She bit her lip. “It’s how guys are. I get it.”
“Jesus, Maggie.” His jaw tightened and he shook his head, picking up his shirt angrily. The muscles in his arm were hard and the veins stuck out. “I had no idea you had such a poor opinion of me.”
“It’s not you,” she said quickly. Tightening her fingers on her knees, she tried to think how best to get him to understand what she meant. “It’s me.”
He laughed. “Wow. I’ve never had that used on me before.”
