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“N-No. I’m not breaking it off with you. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What the fuck do you want, Maggie?” He held his arms out. “You want me to stay, or to go? Care, or not care? Tell me what you want
, and it’s yours.”
She wrung her hands. It was all or nothing. She had to open up, and let him in, and hope he didn’t make her regret it. “I want you to stay, to care, but that scares me. It scares me a lot.”
“Why?” He white-knuckled his shirt. “Because I’m such an uncaring beast?”
“You’re right. Because every time I’ve let someone into my heart, all it’s done is given him a weapon to use against me. And nine times out of ten? He used that weapon.”
“Who used the weapon on you, Maggie?”
“Who didn’t?” She lifted a shoulder. It wasn’t easy to talk about this, but he deserved the truth. “I told you about one of my exes, but what you don’t realize is they’ve all hurt me. They’ve all done horrible things. The one before the last one not only broke my heart, he tore it to shreds. Slept with my best friend back home, right in front of me, but I was too stupid to notice. And when I finally did see it? He didn’t even stop. Just invited me to join. She laughed at me. So did he. The guy before him literally stole from me. My wallet. My TV. All of it.”
Benjamin sat down, watching her. “I’m not that kind of guy.”
“Maybe not. But there have been other guys like him. Every man I’ve trusted with my heart has broken it. Broken me or robbed me.” She tapped her fingers on her thighs restlessly, because she’d just bared her soul, and it scared her more than he did. “So, I don’t let myself care anymore. I push people away before they get close enough to hurt me. But with you, it’s harder than usual. I want to care. I want to let you in. That’s the God’s honest truth.”
“Maggie…” he said, his face closed off.
She laughed lightly. “And the worst part is, I can never tell what you’re thinking. You say you need me with one breath, but with the next you act as if you wouldn’t even blink if I left you. I can’t freaking read you.”
For a few seconds, he didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge her words at all. She thought he would leave without answering. But he dropped his shirt and climbed back into the bed. Cupping her face, he smiled at her gently. He didn’t look anything like the beast that had once roamed the halls of the office, looking for prey.
“I can usually read your reactions,” he said, “but I can’t predict them ahead of time. And that’s new for me. So we’re both in uncharted territory, here. And I don’t like to let people in, either. I don’t really know how. No one ever let me in, so I didn’t want to, either.”
She pressed her lips together. “And yet you want me to do it for you?”
“Because I’m doing it for you.” He let out a long breath. “With you, I drop all my acts and pretenses. I’m the real me. The one I’ve become so good at hiding. Gales don’t show emotion. It’s just not done. And once my dad died, I stopped. I’ve been trying to be this person I’m not, but around you—I can be me, Maggie. You have no idea how fucking good that feels.” He ran his thumb over her jaw. “But I’m not trying to hurt you, and I don’t want a weapon to use against you. If you trust me, and let me in, I swear not to use that against you. That’s the last thing I’d do. I want to make you happy, not sad.”
Her heart lurched, and she swallowed hard, finally locking gazes with him. “Benjamin…”
“Let me try something.” He closed his eyes, and when he looked at her again…she forgot to breathe. What she saw there was honesty, and happiness. For the first time, he opened himself up to her. “There. I’m letting you in too, see? So we both have a weapon in our hands, ready to strike or lay down on the floor. What do you say about that?”
Her heart raced. It was time to let go of the past hurts and to trust Benjamin. Time to take a chance again. Wrapping her fingers around his wrists, she nodded once. “Drop it on the floor.”
“Done.” His hold on her tightened. “What about you? Will you stop pushing me away every time I get too close?”
“Yes.” She bit her lip. “I promise.”
Grinning, he wrapped her in his arms and rolled her beneath him. Her heart thudded against her ribs, hard and quick, and he slid his hand under her butt. “I won’t make you sorry. I swear it.”
He kissed her, and she clung to that statement, and to the way he made her feel. For the first time in years she let herself hope that something as impossible as a happy ending between the two of them could happen. And she didn’t let go.
She took a chance.
Chapter Thirteen
Two days later, the town car pulled up in front of the Richard Rogers Theatre, and Benjamin stole a glance at Maggie. After their talk the other night, they made love again, and he held her till she fell asleep. And amazingly enough, he’d spent the night, too.
And he hadn’t let her go.
The next night, they went to a gala, and she did great. His mother hadn’t been at that one, so for the most part they were able to relax and enjoy one another—she even made a few friends. Elizabeth had been there again, but she hadn’t had a chance to get him alone. She’d simply stared from a distance, her icy blue glare zeroed in on Maggie.
She had barely noticed, though. She’d been too busy dazzling everyone around her…including him. The more time Benjamin spent with her, the more sure he became of the decision he’d made when he’d begged—yes, he wasn’t too proud to admit he’d begged—her to let him in. This feeling he had in his gut, the one that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried to shove it down?
He had an inkling what it would turn into given time, if he let it.
