“Would you believe me if I said I couldn’t stay away from you, even before I brought you back to this ship? I finally felt like I could protect you here, but you pushed and pushed, defying me at every moment and trying to get away. I felt like a complete asshole trying to pull you back in, but I did it anyway, because I knew that was the only way I could control how out of my mind I was with worry every time you left.”
My mouth goes dry and my jaw falls open as I watch him lay everything out between us.
“I would have fallen in love with you, in whatever place or time the gods granted me, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that I could do nothing about it. Either way, I would have to watch as someone else captured your attention, or was promised your hand.”
My chest heaves as I gasp for breath.
Love. Weston loves me.
Before I can say anything, he keeps speaking, his gaze falling to the floor as a sullen expression overtakes him. His voice drops just above a whisper, and I feel it echoing in my chest.
“I used to think being trapped here was a curse, that I was stuck in the same body with the same mind as the moment I left. I used to sit around thinking about everyone I left behind, and how they would have lived an entire life by the time I returned, if I ever did. All I would be is the young First Guard left to protect an aging king, and I’d be alone.
“But then you showed up, and everything I thought was a curse wasn’t anymore. I stopped begging the gods to take back the years I spent in this purgatory. I saw you, and I had hopethat maybe I could have a life, and that my time wasn’t wasted. But as quickly as the hope filled me, it disappeared just as fast. I remembered it didn’t matter, and that I still couldn’t do anything about it.”
“What do you mean?” I finally manage to say, my chin quivering and making my voice shake.
His groan comes out more like a roar as he throws his hands up, clutching his hair at the back of his head. He takes a few quick steps away, breaking the trance between us.
“I can’t have you, Lennox! Not the way I want you. The rules don’t disappear just because we’re here! It doesn’t matter what I feel or what I want. I could love you with every fiber of my being, and it wouldn’t be enough.”
My spine stiffens and my body freezes as my name rolls so easily off his tongue.
Not princess.
Lennox.
Then the rest of what he said registers in my mind.
I can’t have you.
Love you with every fiber of my being.
“I’m the only one who can say who can have me and who can’t,” I say, my voice oddly calm in the wake of his confession.
He shakes his head and pain fills his eyes as his hands drop back down to his sides.
“When we get home, our titles won’t disappear. You’re going to be the princess again, whether you want to be here or not. And since I was never replaced, I’m going to be First Guard.”
He lifts his hand and the ring that symbolizes his commitment to the crown glints in the room’s dim light.
“I can never be with you, never provide you with alliances or wealth.” He closes the space between us and cups my face in his hands, eyes imploring, forgetting his previous commitment not to touch me. “But I will be yours. I will do anything to remainat your back and keep you safe. I don’t care how much I have to suffer watching you choose someone else and build a life with him. It doesn’t matter, as long as I can be close to you.”
The tears that had been filling my eyes over the last few minutes finally fall in steady streams, and his face blurs in the onslaught.
His voice drops low, still full of intensity as his thumbs swipe across my cheeks.
“I was furious when I woke up and you were gone, but I was also terrified.” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “I could have lost you. Once Dane found out he couldn’t get what he wanted anymore, he didn’t need you, and I wasn’t there to protect you.”
“But you were,” I choke out. “You found me.”
“He still hurt you,” he mumbles, one hand shifting to the back of my head where the tenderness has disappeared. His eyes fall to my neck, down to where the cut from my dagger has already healed. “I won’t let him hurt you again.”
Of all the ways I’d expected this conversation to go, I did not expect this. I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say. I expected Weston to yell at me tonight, to be furious for going behind his back, but to confess all of this, and tell me nothing could come of it? All I want to do is shout back at him and convince him he is wrong. I want to tell him how I feel and order him to break his oath.
I can’t find the words. Instead, I just stare at him, taking in every detail of his sparkling teal eyes as they roam my face, settling on my lips.
“Why did you beg me not to kill him?” Weston murmurs, and I don’t even think before my response comes spilling from my mouth.
