Hot blood pulsed through my body, fueling my fury with every beat.Kill.The internal demand was nearly impossible to ignore.
“Marinah!”King shouted.
My name on his lips cleared my head just enough to keep me from attacking him.There was a break in the red mist, and I could finally see my mate.A few seconds later, my pulse slowed.Somehow, I managed to speak coherently: “Understand this,” I ground out: “We will never forget a Shadow Warrior.Never!”
Ms.Beast stared down the men, daring any of them to challenge her.They quickly looked away.Energy swirled in the room; the temperature heated as I fought for control.The need to kill gave way just a bit.Finally, I managed to speak again.“I’m going to Del Rey.”
King nodded.His eyes were nearly black as he battled his own Beast.“I’ll take you,” he ground out.
We fed off each other’s energy, and my eruption into Beast was pushing him to his limits.I couldn’t have him around me right now.Somehow, I had to figure out what was happening to me.
“No.Cosway will take me.”I had to regain a sense of balance.I’d try anything.Even something as ridiculous as meditation.
I walked out of the room with my Warrior head held high, though my mind was a raging storm.Whatever was wrong with me had to be fixed.
Cosway and I were on a boat within an hour.She wisely didn’t speak.I wisely didn’t look at her.Even her soft smile might take me over the edge I was clinging to with everything I had.
Chapter Eight
Del Rey (Love Island)
Marinah
“Stare at water, pretty butterfly,” Cosway instructed while petting the small tabby cat she kept for herself.It was Callie’s brother, even though they looked nothing alike.
Butterfly was the name Cosway had chosen for me.She was the only human besides Ruth, Che, and their mothers who showed no fear, even if I shifted into Nova.She accepted me completely for who I was, even though that person was extremely screwed up right now.
When we found Cosway, she’d been on her own for years and somehow survived.We’d mistaken her for a man with most of his marbles missing.I still wondered how she’d made it as long as she had.Since arriving on the main island, her skin had softened from repeated washing, and her hair no longer looked like something from the legends of Medusa.I envied the soft auburn color, with its natural waves and delicate wisps that framed her face perfectly.Her brown eyes shone with a light that seemed to draw people in.Or maybe it was her entire presence.She had a way of making you feel comforted when she was near.My polar opposite.
Some might say Cosway was simple-minded.They’d be wrong.Sure, she had a straightforward way of solving problems, but she solved them.She also had a knack for helping me sort through my tangled emotions.She’d been trying to get me to meditate for weeks, and I’d done everything I could to avoid her and the entire idea.Until now.
It had been three days.Clearing my head was impossible.My brain was too full of turmoil.Each time I thought I’d reached a safe mental space, images popped into my mind.Ms.Beast was another problem.She refused to cooperate, staying constantly agitated.My emotions were a chaotic mess, and she wouldn’t or couldn’t calm down.Nova remained a shadow in the background, a strange warmth surrounded her, which only added to my irritation.Anything resembling tranquility completely eluded me.Maybe I needed a heavy dose of the calm Endura gave me.Even if we found her Shadow women, I doubted they would do anything to help us.It still rankled that they were willing to lay down and die without a fight.
Argh.All of these thoughts were the reason I couldn’t find the headspace to meditate and I was becoming more frantic again.
“This won’t work,” I said, using clipped words that spoke volumes.
“You no try!”Cosway snapped, her testiness doing nothing to help my mood.Still, she refused to give up on me.
With a deep breath, I tried again, exhaling the bad and inhaling the good.I stood on an outcropping of rocks at the ocean’s edge, my mind attempting to float through what should have been fluffy white clouds.Cosway thought clouds would do the trick.My problem was that the clouds in my mind formed into a bloody red, far from relaxing.I couldn’t release the image no matter how hard I tried.
In my arms rested Bertha, my short-barreled, modified rifle.I refused to be without her in my current state.I had to be able to defend myself, and I didn’t trust Ms.Beast; she was too unpredictable right now.Attacking Beck had proven it.As for Nova, she was completely out of the question.If I couldn’t control Ms.Beast, there was no hope of managing the more aggressive side of me.For now, Bertha and a sword were the safest option if we ran into hellhounds.
Refusing to give up, even with the billowing red clouds in my mind, I inhaled again and tilted my head back, closing my eyes this time.
“Think water, think waves, think soothing sounds, think comfort,” I murmured to myself.I pushed aside the anger until I was almost in a meditative state.But the clouds turned an even deeper red, and suddenly, I heard Che crying out inside my head, followed by Ruth.The images twisted into horrifying visions of them lying dead, their mouths open in silent screams.The blood-red clouds became a raging thunderstorm of death.
The Kedorine 5 spiked.My heart raced, and my skin grew damp as I fought the shift threatening to take over.When I finally managed to open my eyes, I realized Bertha was pointed out to sea.Before I could stop myself, I squeezed the trigger, spraying bullets into the ocean.
Cosway’s hand landed at the top of Bertha’s barrel, grounding my human side slightly.Ms.Beast, however, grumbled at the contact, sending another wave of Kedorine 5 surging through me.
“Take apart.Put together,” Cosway said, her voice distant, her words barely piercing the relentless red fog that refused to let go.
But it did make it through.With my head tipped back and the ocean wind brushing against my face, I focused solely on Bertha.Piece by piece, I took her apart and then reassembled her, each movement precise.Each step of this ritual was locked in my mind, giving my brain the focus it desperately needed.When I finished, I mentally traced my hand along her smooth barrel and inhaled the lingering scent of gun oil on my fingers.
Calm rippled through my mind, and a rare euphoria filled me.Ms.Beast lay down, closing her eyes, her entire body going slack.The shadow behind her slumped into itself, curling into a tight ball.The rhythmic crash of waves against the rocks below filled my head, grounding me.The knowledge I’d gained this past year unraveled, breaking apart and realigning into something clearer, more ordered within the madness.
The weight of Bertha filled my arms.Clarity seeped into my thoughts, a tightly woven thread that I carefully pulled apart and inhaled its strength.
