“Yeah, but…we need to talk. We need some ground rules. I don’t know what I’m allowed to do with this. With us.”
“What do you mean?”
“In this fake relationship…” His eyes lock on mine, searching. “I don’t know where the line is. What I can do and what I shouldn’t. I touched you so much earlier; is that okay? Like…what is actually allowed here?” I’msoglad he noticed how much he touched me. I was spiraling the entire time, but damn if I didn’t like it. He probably had to force it. He probably needs to know ahead of time if he needs to touch me because it won’t come natural to him, no matter how much it seems like it is.
His eyes show me so much concern. Concern and love. I know he loves me. He always has. As his best friend. The love one has for a sibling.
“Rule number one: don’t lie to me.” Come on, Daisy.You can do this. Keep your feelings inside and set strict rules to protect yourself.
“Rule number two: No matter what, we’re still best friends. Rule number three…we listen to each other.” I smile with my eyes at him. I need him to know I’ll be here no matter what, that I’m still his best friend.
“You know me. I know you. I trust you won’t push me somewhere I don’t want to go. And I won’t either. Deal?”
I can’t tell him ohyeah and one final rule: I won’t tell you how much I love you, how much I wish I was the woman for you.I can’t have a talk with him right now about whether he should or shouldn’t kiss me. All I would want to tell him is to please not kiss me so my poor heart doesn’t break more from the unrequited love. At least these ground rules seem straight forward; we don’t have to add any more.
He studies me for far too long, but he finally nods once. “Deal.”
7
I Might Have To Say Fuck The Rules
CAN I BE HIM BY JAMES ARTHUR
Mateo
I can’t blame anyone who can’t take their eyes off Daisy, because neither can I. She’s stunning. Breathtakingly so. She always is, but tonight? Tonight, it’s even more evident. It’s not only the outfit she’s wearing that was made for her body, but her tanned cheeks are making her almond-shaped, dark green eyes look glossy. Beautiful. So beautiful.
We had dinner, and it went without a hiccup. Being with Daisy has never been hard, so that was not the surprise. The surprise for me has been how easily we’ve fallen into this fake couple thing. My hand reaches for her often, or her knees seek mine under the table; even if nobody can see, she lets me, and I play pretend with my heart that this is real.
Right now, though, she’s laughing at something Livie and my cousin, Tere, are saying. She’s folded over, drink in hand, laughing. Her laugh carries over, above all the othernoise, drowning everything into the background. There’s not enough money in the world to buy something as perfect and as precious as her laugh.
“That feeling never gets old,” Alex, my brother-in-law, says, low enough for only me to hear.
“What feeling?” I could be talking to the entire bar, and I wouldn’t know, considering that my eyes are glued to Daisy and not paying attention to anything else.
“Like your heart will leap out of your chest at any given moment, or that it will stop if she stops laughing.” That does it. That disrupts my staring, and I turn, raising an eyebrow at him.
“It’s the way I feel about your sister. How long have you known you wanted to be more than friends?”
I don’t know if Livie told him about our fake dating deal or what, but it wouldn’t change my answer, so I play along and answer. “Honestly? Since she was a sophomore in high school and cried in my lap over a boy who wouldn’t love her back. She kept rambling on and on about how the guy picked a girl because she was prettier and slimmer. I was more upset about her not understanding that nobody was more beautiful than her than anything. I knew then.”
She was so upset and kept crying, using all these self-deprecating words, words she had heard from other kids for years. I was so tired of hearing them. I just held her and reminded her of everything she is, including beautiful. Eventually, she just laughed it off and told me I was a good friend. No matter how many hints I left, she always laughed it off as if I was joking.
Friend zoned from day one. I got it and have never tried to cross that line again. Here, though? This is not only tempting but also scary, because I can see us doing this all the time. If she’d let me, I could show her how wellI could love her. If she’d let me, I could be everything she needs and more.
“Can I ask why it took you so long to take the step?” I ponder his question, letting it ping pong in my brain. Another thing we didn’t talk about. We’re flying blind here, and I don’t know how to feel about it at all.
“It seemed like the planets finally aligned.” Not a lie. Not completely, at least. It will never be the right time to tell your best friend you’d like to be more, not when everything we’ve built as friends is at risk. But this way, she can have a taste of it, and later, she might be able to just take the jump with me and give this a try.
The music changes from a merengue to a bachata. A bachata I love. Apparently, a lot of people in the resort love it too, because suddenly, the dance floor is full. It’s the perfect opportunity to get away from this conversation; I don’t know what Livie told Alex, and I want to pick Daisy’s brain.
“I’ll be back,” I tell Alex, standing and walking toward Daisy. She’s in the middle of a laugh, but when she notices movement, her eyes shift until they find mine. I smile, and she returns it instantly, mirroring my comfort like she always has. My entire body feels safe around her—my heart and my soul too.Do you feel the same, Daisy? Does your heart mirror mine?
The soft guitar strings carry the melody of a sensual song that reverberates across the floor. Tall chandeliers hang with colorful guirnaldas. Most people back home relate Christmas with snow, even in Florida, but this place doesn’t. They’re not taking things that don’t belong on this island and using them for aesthetics. They use conches and shells to decorate the tree, poinsettias adorning corners and doors, and even sand as filler in a lot of bouquets and centerpieces. It’s both tropical and Christmasy, a perfectjuxtaposition to those who don’t know the cultural meaning but absolutely perfect to those who can appreciate it.
With Daisy’s hand in mine, we walk toward the dance floor silently, joining the couples who follow the perfect rhythm to the dance. This particular Aventura song is slow, and the closer you are to your person, the better it matches the meaning the song carries. The whole room oozes passion and intimacy. I should’ve thought about that before I asked her to dance this particular one with me, but it’s too late now.
She swivels around, following my lead, and lands in my embrace, her hands on my chest. She’s stiff, and I don’t even understand why. “Relax for me, Daze,” I whisper in her ear, making her visibly stiffen more.
