“I don’t know how to dance to this one particularly. I didn’t want to say no, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself,” she replies, raising her eyes to meet mine. Those beautiful eyes are full of fear.
“It’s the same as we’ve always danced, just closer. We’re both adults, right?” She nods. “I’ve got you, remember? Always, no matter what.” I hold her right hand, lifting it slightly while my other one drags down her back and rests right above the curve of her ass. I need to keep my half-hard dick as far away as possible, or I will have a lot of explaining to do. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with flowers and joy, filling my lungs with her, letting it out and hoping with it, I gain some comfort.
“How was your evening?” I ask. Sometimes, small talk is the best medicine when you have your best friend in your arms and you can’t touch her the way you’ve always wanted. You can’t kiss her the way you’ve dreamed. You can’t tell her all the things you wish you could.
She sighs and smiles. “Actually…I had fun. I love Livie, but I didn’t know your other cousins would be so similar to her. I’m having a really good time, even if that evil witch is around.”
I chuckle. “You’ve got to stop calling her that before someone else hears you.”
“I really don’t care, Teo. She is, and she was acting even more like it all day. I don’t understand what her issue is.” I spin her around and back into my arms, but she gets lost in the steps. She looks at me with fear in her eyes, but when I shake my head and smile, she does what she always does and softens in my arms. Why is it this way with the only girl I can’t have?
“She’s just jealous, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. It’s an insecurity she carries deep within her, and no matter what you may say or do, it won’t change.”
The song makes it to the slowest part, the part when often you pull your partner even closer. Pelvis with pelvis, torsos flush, hair on my shoulder—sex with clothes on, as my friends describe it. As close as Daisy is to me, I can’t let her feel what she does to me, so I angle myself away, keeping my hard on hidden from her.
“Jealous of what?”
Her breath catches when my lips get close to her ear, and I whisper, “Of you.”Like every other woman in my life, I want to say, but I don’t. It’s not her fault they can all sense that even if I wanted to give them my heart, it really, truly, only beats for Daisy.
“There’s zero reason for anyone to be jealous of me. You and I are just friends, Mateo.”I know, but I want to change that.
“Besides, she’s about to get married, like in two days.” Her words are anything but steady. Her breath is shallower the longer we stay this close. It’s dizzying having all of herso close. Her hair, her body, her floral scent that accompanies her everywhere, her skin…
“Just trust me on this one,” I say, stepping back and making some space between us. The song changes, and with my eyes closed, I finally breathe easy again.
Daisy yawns.
“Are you ready to go back to the room?”
She nods at my question. I walk back to the table, my hand not leaving her lower back.
“This was fun, but today was a long day for us, so we’re going to bed,” I announce, stepping closer to where my parents sit.
“Okay, sweetheart. See you tomorrow, bright and early, to catch the catamaran to Saona.”
“Yes, ma’am. Good night everyone.”
A mixture of goodnight and buenas noches fills the air. We smile politely, Daisy grabs her purse, and we walk silently to our room. Our room with one bed. As soon as I remember that, I continue the mantra I’ve been repeating in my head all day, hoping it will become muscle memory at some point and my heart won’t get any ideas.
It’s just pretend. All of it is just pretend.
We step through the doors, and I finally let go of her hand. Not because I want to, but because there’s nobody here, and I promised her I would make her feel comfortable. Holding hands might be too much when this is just pretend.
Daisy swings her hips side to side, stepping forward with long, confident strides, and I have to remind my dick it’s just pretend again.
When she turns around and looks at the bed and then at me with concern, I need to remind my heart, the one that skipped a beat at the assumption that she wants me asleep near her, to repeat the mantra over and over again.
But when the concern doesn’t leave her eyes, even when time passes, I need to remind my brain I put us in this situation. It’s my job to make her feel at ease at the expense of not telling her how I feel…because to her, this is just pretend.
“Hey, it’s okay. We’re both adults, right?” I chuckle, trying to ease the tension, and she shrugs.
“I snore really loudly,” she says, so nonchalantly, it makes me smile.
“Mmmm, you forget who told you that.”
A few years ago, we went on a road trip for a weekend after Daisy had been working her ass off for months planning a retirement party for the manager of the Philadelphia Eagles. She was exhausted, so she fell asleep the minute I picked her up. There were no questions about how tired she was and how much she needed the time to just lay down and sleep. She had the softest, cutest snore at the beginning, but as she grew more comfortable and fell into a deeper sleep, it became louder. I was even concerned in moments, thinking she wasn’t breathing. She, of course, was fine and just needed rest. When she woke, I called her snoring beauty, and she was appalled, as if she didn’t know. Well, I guess she actually didn’t know—it was the first time she’d ever been told. She was mortified.
“It’s endearing,” I say with a smile.
