It’s as though my heart breaks, over and over, each time he retreats from me. I could reach out, now, and he’d be mine. The thought of doing so feels like wings, lifting me. But the weight of responsibility drags me down again. I know that ruling demands sacrifice. I thought I was willing to pay that price. But now I’m wondering, as he pulls back from me once more, whether the price is too high.
He sighs. ‘Go on, tell me your plan.’
His hands are still at my waist. I’m finding it tough to concentrate. If I really could choose, it would be to leave here with him, find Sophie, and somehow figure out a life together. I can only do one of those things.
‘I’m going to get on the next shift bus, and head to the Safe Zone to see if I can find Sophie. And if I can’t find her, I’m going to go to Ira and ask him what he knows. Because Iknowhe’s connected to this, somehow.’
Michael frowns. ‘Ira? Why not go as the Raven?’
‘What, after dark, with a bunch of guards? You know why.’
‘Speaking of guards, where do they think you are at the moment?’
‘In my room, resting. One advantage of them not really understanding how much humans need to sleep.’ I grin. ‘So I’m going to catch that bus. And I’m telling you because, if I don’t come back, you’ll know where I am.’
Michael gets up and opens a drawer, pulling out a knife in a leather sheaf, which he checks before tucking it into the back of his waistband. Then he shrugs on a hoody and holds out his hand. ‘If you think I’m letting you do this alone, E, you are sorely mistaken. Where you go, I go.’
Oh.
ChapterThirty-Nine
RED FLOWER RISING
We make it to the shift bus just in time, joining the queue of humans climbing on board. I keep my head down; even dressed in Raven sweats with my hair tied up, there’s a chance I could be recognised. Michael stays close, his hand in mine, his warmth steadying me. We sit at the back, then file off with everyone once we reach Dark Haven. I smile to myself, despite everything. If I’d figured this out earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. Simply got on a shift bus and disappeared into the Safe Zone, rather than going through all that I did with Kyle. But then I wouldn’t be who I am now, I suppose. I wouldn’t have chosen to be the Raven or feel strong enough to do it. And I would miss my parents, desperately.
I know what I’m doing is risky, and stupid. But I meant what I said to Michael. The weight of responsibility, of doing the right thing, is getting to me. I need some space away from it. A few minutes later the second bus arrives, taking the familiar route along the curving road leading to the coast. Weget off at the Safe Zone, heading down the hill past the harvesting plant, the usual line of people waiting outside. I breathe the fresh sea air, dreaming of a day when humans won’t have to donate blood anymore. Vampires survived before the Rising without harvesting plants; they can damn well do it again. I just need to figure out how.
‘It’s this way, isn’t it?’ Michael tugs on my hand. We’re in the town centre, crossing the square where he and I first danced, where rebels and guards once clashed, fire exploding into the night. Being here with him again is bittersweet. It feels natural, as though I’m still living in my small white house, waking to the sunrise in his arms. It’s so tempting to go back to that life, dancing at the night markets, walking on the beach, kissing on the sofa.
Sophie’s small apartment is down a side street – I checked the staff records before leaving the house – and seems the best place to start looking.
But when we press the buzzer set into the side of the door, a male voice answers. ‘Yeah?’
‘Hi, I’m looking for Sophie.’
‘Sophie doesn’t live here anymore.’
‘Anymore?’ The only response is a click. ‘What the hell?’ I press the buzzer again, but there’s no answer. Michael, finally, pulls my hand away.
‘Let’s go,’ he says, gentle. ‘Are you sure this is the right address?’
‘Yes!’ I show him the scrap of paper.
He studies it. ‘Yeah. It’s correct.’
‘So, where the hell is she? What if he’s holding her prisoner up there or something! We need to help!’
He shakes his head. ‘You can’t. No, listen,’ he takes both my hands. ‘You cannot do anything. You need to come back as the Raven. That’s the only way you’re going to get in there. Even then, I doubt you’ll find anything.’
‘Why?’ I frown at him. There’s something in his voice, something he isn’t telling me. ‘Why wouldn’t I find anything?’
‘Because people disappear! There are ways in and out of Safe Zones, if you know where to look.’
‘She wouldn’t do that! Not without telling me! God!’ I think for a moment. ‘Has she gone to one of those nomad settlements, near the Great Forest? Maybe we can send guards to search them all and?—’
‘Do you think that’s a good use of Raven resources?’
I don’t say anything.
