“But it’smine,” she countered. “Maybe it isn’t what I most wanted to do in life, but it belongs to me, and nobody but Ella and I made it what it is. Now, that’s being threatened. That’s been my livelihood, and it’s the livelihood of a lot of other people too, people who count on me. I can’t… I can’t do this, Jax. It’s too much.”
“You don’t mean that. You don’t.” I clenched my fists at my sides, digging the tips of my fingers into my palms. I’d have taken a punch to the face or a kick in the stomach, anything to distract from the pain that settled into my chest. “You’re scared. Somehow youstillthink you’re not good enough. You still think you don’t deserve to be loved.”
“I’m so sorry.” She pulled herself from my grasp, and I felt her warmth leave me all at once. Her mouth fell into a hard line as she crossed her arms protectively over her body.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t do this. I love you.”
“I know,” she whispered, walking past me toward the bedroom door.
“Turn around.” I was pleading, desperate for any last shred of connection with her. She paused in the door frame but didn’t turn. “Liv, please. Turn around.”
She braced herself against the door frame, but still didn’t face me. “I’m going for a drive, Jax. When I get back I need you to not be here.” She started down the hall, and I went after her.
“Please turn around.” My voice and my heart broke. “That’s all you have to do. Turn around, and we can fix this.” By the time I caught up to her, she’d grabbed her purse and keys. She had one hand on the door, and I had one hand on her. “Please, Liv. I love you.”
“If you love me, you’ll be gone when I get back.” She didn’t look back as she sprinted down the walk—the same walkway where she’d jumped into my arms many times before. I watched as she jumped in her Jeep, and in seconds, she was gone. I closed the front door, and it felt like the walls were caving in as I slid to the floor.
Liv, the only home I’d ever known, was gone.
I finished packing my things in a fog of despair. My stomach felt sick when I realized I was about to leave Liv’s for the last time.
Every moment leading up to this one replayed in my head, an excruciatingly painful montage of everything I’d lost in a matter of moments. I folded her Aerosmith shirt and held it for a moment, picturing how she’d looked the day she’d given it to me… how beautiful she’d looked, even soaked from the rain.
I laid the folded shirt on the bed and dug her house key out of my pocket, laying it on top of the shirt. I took one last look around before rolling my suitcase into the foyer, placing it beside the large duffle I’d already set there. Mama watched with curious eyes from her spot on top of the couch. I moved to sit on the sofa, and she perked up, unsure what to think about my emotional display. I had about five minutes left until Dallas would arrive to get me. I hadn’t even told him what was happening yet. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. That would make it feel too real.
I closed my eyes a moment and took in her orange blossom scent one more time.
When I opened my eyes, I found that Mama had inched closer to me, her golden eyes gazing at me intently.
“I know you didn’t like me much, Mama,” I said to her, “but I guess I came to love you and your ornery ways. I need you to look after Liv, okay? I love her so much, Mama. She’s my whole world, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without her.” Mama tilted her head as though she was considering what I was saying. I dropped my head into my hands, my shoulders shaking.
I felt a soft thud beside me followed by the touch of a tentative paw on my leg. I looked up to see Mama’s knowing eyes searching mine. I reached my hand out to her, and for the first time, she didn’t run. She didn’t flinch. Instead, she leaned her face into my hand, rubbing against my fingers.
I stroked my hand down her back softly, and without warning, she put her front paws on my arm and reached up to nudge my face with hers.
“I’m gonna miss you too,” I whispered. She purred her reply as my phone pinged with a text signaling that Dallas was here. The pit in my stomach grew because I knew that meant it was time for me to leave. I placed a soft kiss on Mama’s head. “Take care of her, Mama.”
I stood, and Mama watched as I gathered my bags and gulped back a deep breath. I opened the door, turning the bottom lock. With one last look inside, I closed the door, leaving behind everything that mattered most to me in the world.
Chapter 31
Liv
Ipulled into the driveway ofmy bungalow and cut the engine of the Jeep, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. Part of me hoped he hadn’t listened to a word I said. That I would walk into the house and he’d be there, but I knew that wasn’t what was best—for me or for him.
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the rearview mirror, my eyes swollen and red from crying. I’d only driven down to the park a few blocks away from my house because I could hardly see through my tears. I’d sat there for the better part of two hours. Ella called, and I was so hysterical I could barely tell her what happened. She wanted to come to me, but I needed to be alone.
Part of me wanted to get Benton Wyatt on the phone and call him every name under the sun, but I knew that wouldn’t help. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me. He’d moved on with Jessica Rabbit. Why did he get off on ruining my life and hurting me?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it didn’t matter. If it hadn’t been Ben, it would have been someone else. Journalists dig up dirt on people all the time. I’d been living on borrowed time, and I knew it.
Jax made me feel things I’d never felt before. I was more alive in his presence than I had been for nearly two decades, and that caused me to stop thinking clearly. My past was like a grenade, and now that it had exploded all over the internet, all I could do was try to minimize the fallout.
The last thing I wanted was to ruin Jax’s career, but if I’d stuck around that’s exactly what would have happened. People would stop looking at him for his talent and start remembering him as the guy who took on the middle-aged charity case. Anything that reflected badly on Jax also had the potential to affect Dallas, Luca, Derek, and even Cash and Antoni.
Then, there was the bakery. There was Ella, Grace, Katie, and everyone employed by Livvie Cakes.My name had been something I’d grown to be proud of, but now it tarnished the entire business.
I spent so long trying to find even the tiniest amount of happiness in my life, any shred of normalcy. I’d been trying to find my footing now that I no longer resided in Ben’s shadow, only to find myself in Jax’s. I could have been happy there, but not at the cost of everything else. Not at the expense of Jax’s success and happiness. I knew he was devastated. Knowing how much I hurt him crushed me, but I knew that in the long run, I was doing him a favor. He would meet someone else. Someone who didn’t complicate his life. Someone who could give him everything he ever wanted and everything he deserved. He would fall in love again, and he would be happy.
