Jax
Ileaned my head against thesofa in Dallas’s penthouse apartment, where I’d been for the last fifteen days. Fifteen days without Liv.
I hadn’t been able to bring myself to make any decisions, to do anything at all that would force me to accept that Liv was no longer mine.
Dallas offered to take me back to Louisville, but the thought of going back to that apartment without her killed me. It was where we’d said we loved each other for the first time. It was where she’d been so afraid she couldn’t give me everything I deserved, not realizing she was all I wanted. I pictured her standing there, the way she’d cried into her hands.
I’m afraid I won’t be enough for you.
Despite what she’d said the day she asked me to leave, I couldn’t help but think that was what was at the root of it all. She’d been broken down so far, she truly couldn’t fathom the idea of being enough for anyone. Benton Wyatt had crushed her spirit, and it was he who’d caused the firestorm with the press. It was because of him she’d left me.
For the first several days, I’d barely spoken to anyone. I broke down and texted Ella an excruciating three days after Liv left me. I couldn’t stand not knowing how she was doing.
Jax: I have to know how she is. Please.
Ella: She’s not great, Jax. All of this sucks. How are you holding up?
Jax: I don’t know what to do. I miss her so much.
Ella: I’m so sorry. I know she misses you too.
It took Dallas threatening to call Liv before I’d told him everything. I finally told him about what Carrie had said to me all those months ago, my mom, and what happened with Liv. Saying it out loud tore my heart apart all over again.
Then, there was the anger.
The anger I’d felt for so many years had returned with a vengeance, bubbling up inside me like a pot of water on the verge of boiling over.
For the last two weeks, I’d communicated with the rest of the guys through Dallas. He’d fielded their questions for me because he knew I wasn’t in the mental state to talk about it. I couldn’t answer questions that I barely understood the answers to myself.
Midnight in Dallas was on a touring break until early March. Derek ended up finding an apartment in the same building as Dallas, so he’d headed back to Louisville to pack. Luca had gone back home, having always preferred his solitude. Both had tried to reach out to me, but I couldn’t talk. Antoni called, and I didn’t answer. Cash rented an AirBnB nearby, and he’d sent me a text every single day that, for the most part, I’d avoided. I knew he cared, but I also knew he needed answers about what was happening with Jax & Liv. He asked if he should call Liv, but I told him to wait, hoping against all hope we’d hear from her. Really, I hoped she’d change her mind.
I’d put Cash off long enough, and he’d finally come to Dallas’s penthouse to check up on me. The three of us sat in silence in Dallas’s living room a while before Cash finally spoke.
“You still haven’t heard anything?” Cash asked, and I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, man.” Dallas reached over and squeezed my shoulder.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call her?” Cash questioned. “Maybe she’d talk to me and—”
“And what?” I snapped. “She made it clear she didn’t want me around, Cash. She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Dallas sat thoughtfully for a moment. “I know you’re hurting, Jax. I do. I understand you’ve not wanted to talk about it much, but man youneedto talk about it. I see this anger building in you, and it’s not healthy. Look, I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now. I also can’t imagine what it was like for her to wake up to this bullshit. She wasn’t entirely wrong either. We’ve seen what a shitstorm like this can do to people. It can ruin people’s lives.”
“I would have done anything to make it work,” I insisted. “Anything.”
“I get that,” Dallas said softly, “but you have to realize what that’s asking ofher.You weren’t the one they made out to be a fucking gold-digger. They talked about her miscarriage, man. The most personal details of her life were on display for everyone. You were the prince charming who saved her, but by my calculations,thisprincess saved herself. She built that fucking business. She was the one who made the choice to put herself out there, but nobody saw that. Nobody sawher.”
“I did,” I whispered.
“We know.” Cash nodded. “We know you did. We all did, but imagine being her for a second. Imagine what it felt like for her to see her life plastered all over the internet and people saying she didn’t deserve what she had. Not just professionally, Jax. They attacked her character. They attacked her entire life.”
I knew he was right, and it killed me.
“I fucking hate that Benton Wyatt douche canoe.” Dallas shook his head. “I don’t know how he could do this to Liv. Takes a special kind of asshole to do something like that.”
Anger rumbled at my core as my phone rang from the coffee table in front of me. My heart immediately sank when I recognized the number of the detective working on my mom’s case. I slid my finger across the screen to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Mr. Slade, it’s Detective Bryant,” his gruff voice replied. “I’ve got some news regarding your mother, Deanna Slade. Do you have a few moments we can talk?” His voice had softened a bit from his normal business as usual tone, which caused my already raw nerves to stand at attention. So far, his updates had consisted of a few brief calls to let me know that he was sorry, but there was no new information.
