I wondered how I could ever go back to normal again, knowing how good he could make me feel. I pictured how sexy he’d looked the night before, glistening with sweat as we danced and how good his lips felt on my—Stop! Pull yourself together, Ella.
This was exactly why I had to put a stop to this nonsense right now. I was already too involved, and it had only been one night. Who gets this up in arms overonenight?One perfect night.
I sucked in a deep breath as I tapped his name and pressed the phone to my ear. As the call connected, an unfamiliar phone ring echoed through the room causing me to jump. Frantically, I searched for the source of the factory setting ring.
I crouched down, tearing at the dust ruffle, and just as the voicemail picked up, my eyes landed on Cash’s phone under my bed.
Eight
Cash
From the momentI got shoved out of Ella’s window, I’d felt disjointed. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that I’d managed to leave my phone somewhere on her bedroom floor. I’d wanted to call or text her no less than a dozen times since I’d left. I’d even been half tempted to go back to retrieve my phone, though, I knew if I were being honest with myself what Ireallywanted was to see Ella again. But I also knew this was Ella’s last day with Grace for a while, and they needed that time together. So, I’d decided to busy myself by running errands and going to the gym. When I had nothing left to do but sit with my thoughts, I’d opted to try to go to bed early.
I set the old fashioned alarm clock by my bed so I could get up early enough to get to Ella’s in time to see Grace off and retrieve my phone. I’d helped Grace book her flight, so I knew she’d be leaving for the airport around eight a.m. I laid there in the dark for a few minutes before finally flicking on the lamp that sat on the nightstand. The room was bathed in a soft glow, and Carrie’s smiling face beamed back at me from the dresser. She was smiling at the camera, a perfectly wrapped package on her lap. It was a photo from our last Christmas together—right before the headaches started.
A flurry of emotions rained over me as I looked at the face I knew by heart. I still missed Carrie every day of my life, and I couldn’t imagine a day when that would stop. A wave of guilt crashed over me as I thought about what happened with Ella. Carrie had been gone almost three years, but somehow I felt like I was cheating on her.
My love for Carrie lived on, but in so many ways I had not. I’d been going through the motions and just getting by for so long now that it felt like second nature.
But this? These feelings I had for Ella were all new, yet familiar somehow. How could I feel like this for Ella when my heart still belonged to Carrie?
I scrubbed my hands down my face and threw the covers off of me, rising to my feet. I shuffled over to the dresser and picked up the picture, smoothing my thumb over the cold glass.
“I wish you could tell me what to do,” I said out loud to Carrie’s photograph.
You already know.I could hear Carrie’s voice as clear as a bell in my head.
When we found out what Carrie’s fate would be, she’d forced me to talk about it. And just when I thought she was done, she made me talk about it some more. She wanted me to promise her I would move on and be happy—that I would find love again. But how could I promise something like that when I was still coming to terms with a life that no longer had her in it? How could I promise her something I didn’t know was possible?
I gently returned the picture to its place and turned out the light before crawling back into bed.
Truth be told, I still didn’t know if it was possible. All I knew was that for the first time since I’d lost Carrie, I wanted to try.
* * *
I pulledmy Range Rover to a stop in front of Ella’s house early the next morning, cut the ignition, and strolled to the door. A cocktail of anxious energy sloshed through my veins—a nervousness that felt both foreign and familiar at the same time. I suddenly wished I’d taken one last glance in the mirror to make sure I looked okay.Get it together, Cash.
I rolled up the sleeves of my crisp navy-blue button down in an attempt to look casual, realizing the amount of thought I was putting into my clothing was anythingbutcasual. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock on the door, but before I could, the door flung open.
“Cash… what are you doing here?” Grace asked, her head cocked to the side and her voice laced with confusion. She was standing next to a bulging suitcase that looked as though it may erupt with a river of clothes, makeup, and whatever else a nineteen-year-old girl traveled with. A smile slowly spread across her face, and her eyes lit up. “Did you come to take us to the airport so you could see me off?”
I caught a glimpse of Ella’s shocked face from where she appeared behind Grace and flashed her an apologetic glance. I knew she probably wanted these last few minutes with her daughter, and as much as I wanted to see Ella, I hadn’t intended to intrude on their ride to the airport.
“You’re the best. I’m really going to miss you.” Grace flung her arms around me. “I knew something was up when I didn’t hear back from you yesterday. Mom acted like she had no clue what was going on, but I knew she was up to something. She was acting weird all day yesterday and checking her phone constantly.”
“Nothing gets past you.” Ella’s face flushed as she pressed her lips together and shook her head.
Grace pulled back and poked me in the chest. “Sothat’swhy I never heard back from you yesterday. You knew you’d ruin the surprise.”
I chuckled and held my hands up in surrender. “You got me. I knew you’d probably want one last latte from that Frothy Monkey coffee shop you like so much.”
“It’s a little known fact that they only serve tea in England, so you better enjoy it,” Ella teased.
Grace giggled and rolled her eyes. “I’ve got to go grab my phone and my purse, but then I’m ready to go.”
“Don’t forget your passport,” Ella and I said at the same time. We exchanged a look of surprise, and a smile curled on Ella’s lips.
Grace snickered. “You two are clearly in sync today.”
