“It’s so good to see you, Mama. I have so much to tell you. Grace is in London working, and she’s doing great. I got a dog,” Ella said, talking ninety miles a minute. “His name is Bradley Cooper, and one day I’ll see if Nicole can help me sneak him in to see you.” She looked over at me, motioning me closer with her head. “And I have someone I want you to meet. Mama, this is Cash Montgomery. He’s Grace’s boss, and he’s someone very special to us both. Cash, this is my mama, Betty.”
“Hi, Betty.” I extended my hand to her, enclosing her small hand in mine. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Betty beamed up at me. “You have such kind eyes.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I said. “It looks like your daughter and granddaughter got their pretty blue eyes from you.”
She nodded and smiled, but her eyes searched my face. “Such kind eyes. Where did you two say you were from? Are you friends with the nurse, or are you from the church?”
It felt as though all the air had been sucked from the room.
Ella’s chin quivered, but she forced a smile. “No, Mama.” Her voice was small and soft.
The door opened, and a petite woman in purple scrubs came rushing to Ella’s side. “I’m sorry. I got paged and was on my way back to call you, but they said they already saw you walk by the nurse’s station.”
“It’s okay, Nicole,” Ella said. “Really. It’s not your fault. How long ago?”
Nicole reached out and touched Ella’s arm. “About ten minutes ago.”
Ella nodded as tears streamed down her face.
“I know, honey.” Nicole pulled Ella into a hug. “But you need to know the first thing she did was ask for you. She asked if I’d seen you and Grace, and she wanted to know that you were both okay.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded again. “I should… we should go,” Ella said, stepping back toward me. “I don’t want to upset her, and I can’t...” She trailed off, shaking her head.
“Are you going to be okay? Is your friend here driving you home?” Nicole’s gaze shifted to me, and I nodded.
“Don’t cry.” Betty looked up at Ella, her eyes filled with concern. “There’s plenty more fish in the sea. You’re too pretty to be crying over some boy.”
“Thanks, Nicole.” Ella’s voice cracked, and she reached for my hand. “I’ll see you soon, Mama.”
Betty nodded once, and we turned to leave.
By the time we reached the door, I heard Betty’s hushed voice. “Why was that girl so sad? The one who was with the man with the kind eyes. She looked so sad.”
I prayed Ella hadn’t heard it. But when I closed the door behind me, she flung herself into my arms and dissolved into tears.
* * *
“I really amsorry I melted down on you.Again.” Ella sank back into the sofa. After we’d gone back to the bakery and jumped off Ella’s car, we’d ordered dinner from her place. The remnants of the pizza we’d eaten were on the coffee table alongside two glasses of wine that had been largely untouched. Bradley Cooper was curled up in a blue leopard print dog bed, thoroughly dissatisfied that he didn’t get to partake in our pizza party. “You’ve seen me break down far too many times already. I’m not always such a mess… I don’t think? Fuck. Maybe I am.”
I tucked a piece of her golden hair behind her ear. “You are not a mess.”
She tilted her head. “Need I remind you that I broke down because I was waxing nostalgic over a washing machine?”
“That’s one of the most beautiful things about you, Ella,” I said. “The little things… they mean something to you. Because you understand that the little things are really the big things. You weren’t just crying over a washing machine. You were crying over what it represented.” I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. I felt her relax as she leaned into my chest. “And I can’t imagine how it felt to see your mom tonight, thinking you were going to get to really talk to her. You have every reason to be sad.”
Ella sighed. “I think what hurts the most is not knowing if I’ve talked to her for the last time. Because she’s here, but she’s not reallyhere. Sometimes it’s almost as though someone else is occupying my mother’s body. She’s standing right there in front of me, but she’s completely unreachable. Those moments of lucidity keep getting farther and farther apart. And eventually, she’ll have her last one. She’ll remember me for the last time.”
“I’m so sorry.” The weight of her words hung heavy around us, permeating my chest. “I know watching someone you love battle a terminal illness is... unbearable.”
“When Craig died, it was sudden. He was in an accident on his way home from work. A college kid ran a stoplight and crashed into the driver’s side going fifteen miles over the speed limit. It happened so fast. There was no slow decline. We didn’t spend weeks or months preparing to live without each other. One minute he was here, and the next he was gone.” She gazed ahead, lost in thought, and I kissed the side of her head. “Have you ever seen the movieMy Girl?”
“I think I saw that when I was growing up. The one with the kid fromHome Alone?”
She nodded. “At the end, McCauley Culkin’s character dies when he gets stung by hundreds of bees. That was my mom’s favorite movie when I was a kid. We used to have girls’ nights where we’d watch movies and make ice cream sundaes. Every time it was her turn to pick the movie at Blockbuster, that was the one she’d choose. I watched it again a couple of years ago for the first time in ages, and those bees made me think about what it feels like to lose someone.”
“How so?”
