The sound of my phone ringing from my pocket ripped through the otherwise quiet room. I considered not answering it but feared it could be Ella with news on Sam. When I freed the phone from my pocket, I realized it was Delilah’s number that flashed across the screen.
Without thinking, I swiped across the device and brought it to my ear, desperate to feel connected to something that felt like home. I tried to say something, anything, but only a warbled sob came out.
“Cash,” Delilah’s worried voice came through the phone. “Are you alright?”
Once again, no words came from my mouth.
“I just saw the news about that boy you manage,” she said. “Oh dear, is he alright?”
“Yes,” I managed to choke out. I drew in a couple of sharp breaths, trying to regain some composure. “Grace was in the car with him.”
I heard her gasp.
“She’s okay.” My voice cracked with emotion. “They’re both okay.”
“You’re scaring me,” Delilah said softly. “Tell me, dear. What’s the matter?”
“It just hurts. Everything hurts,” I cried. “And I miss Carrie. I miss her so much, Delilah. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I know, dear. I know. I miss her too.” Her voice wavered slightly. “Perhaps Richard and I should come for a visit?”
I thought for a moment about how good it would feel to see Delilah and Richard, but I also knew them being here could make my feelings even more complicated. “No, no. It’s okay.” I sucked in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling. “I’m sorry, Delilah. I’m overwhelmed, and I haven’t had any sleep. I just got back from the hospital, and… during Sam’s surgery they found a suspicious mass on his pancreas. They’re doing a biopsy. It’s brought back so many memories. Maybe… maybe I’m not doing as well as I thought I was.”
“I know, sweetie,” she said. “Some days it breaks my heart all over again. But you know you always have us, right? You don’t ever have to go through this alone.”
I nodded, though I knew she couldn’t hear me.
“I really think we should come for a visit. Even if only for a couple of days.”
“I’ll be alright,” I promised, my breathing slowly growing more even. “I’m sorry. You just caught me during a weak moment. I’ll feel better once I get some sleep.”
“Alright.” She paused, sighing softly. “You know, it’s okay to have moments like that. They don’t make you weak, dear. They make you human.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as I listened to her.
“I love you, Cash,” Delilah said. “We both do. Never forget that.”
“I love you both too,” I whispered.
“Maybe some time away would help?” she suggested. “You can always come here. We’d sure love to see you. Perhaps you could take a few days off to come visit once things settle down?”
I had to admit, the idea of escaping to their home breathed a little relief into my chest. But I knew that I had to make sure everyone else was taken care of before I did anything else. “I may do that soon.”
“I do hope you will,” she said.
“I should go and try to get some sleep, but I’ll call soon,” I promised.
“Alright, dear,” she said reluctantly. “Get some rest.”
I swiped across the screen to end the call, dropping the phone onto the bed. The despair that had been ravaging through my body slowly turned to numbness, my limbs heavy with exhaustion from swimming against the current. I closed my eyes and succumbed to the waves, letting them pull me under into a deep, dreamless sleep.
* * *
A coupleof mornings later I was in Sam’s new hospital room, gazing outside through the plastic blinds that were drawn open. In the time since he’d been in the ICU, he’d made enough progress to be moved to a step-down unit. He was sipping on a bowl of soup with Grace at his side on the bed and Ella in the chair nearby.
“How’s that soup?” Ella asked.
“I don’t know if we can call this watery concoction soup.” Sam peered inside his cup with distaste. “I’d give anything for some cottage pie about now.”
