Grace’s eyes lit up. “That stuff we had at the pub we went to in Manchester?”
“Mmm.” Sam sighed. “That sounds amazing.”
“Okay, well, Grace will tell you, the only thing I know how to cook is a frozen pizza,” Ella said. “But I’m sure we can make a cottage pie happen somehow. I bet Katie could figure out how to make one.” I could see her eyes looking at me through the reflection in the glass. “And Cash here is pretty handy in the kitchen too.” She stood and crossed the room to me, gliding her fingertips along my back. “What do you think? Could we make Sam here a jolly ole cottage pie worthy of the Queen?”
“Hmmm?” I turned to her. “Oh, yes. Sure.”
“That settles it then.” Ella beamed back at Sam and Grace. “When you get out of here, we’ll make you a celebratory cottage pie.”
“That would be lovely,” Sam said.
“And by ‘we,’ I mean I’ll play the part of sous chef,” Ella joked. “My talents include being the world’s slowest vegetable chopper and an enthusiastic taste-tester.” She looked at me with a grin. I forced a smile in response which caused the joy to fade from her face. My chest tightened as she placed her hand on my arm. I hated myself for making her anything less than happy, but I didn’t have happiness in me.
I was drowning inside myself, my heart at war with the sadness that seemed insistent on being present with me every waking second.
Grace flashed Ella a worried look, but before anything else could be said, Dr. Williams rapped softly on the door and pushed his way inside.
“Sam,” he said. “How are you feeling today?”
“Better,” he replied. “Ready to get out of here.”
“In that case, I’ve got some good news for you.” The doctor smiled. “I think I can clear you to leave Saturday, barring any sort of complications. But you’re healing well. I don’t see any reason you can’t go home this weekend. It will take some time for you to regain your strength, but there’s no reason you can’t do that from home, especially with a little help.”
“We’re going to make sure he has all the help he needs,” Ella spoke up. “He’ll have more help than he’ll know what to do with. He’ll be sick of us before this is all said and done.”
Dr. Williams chuckled. “That’s perfect. As it happens, I’ve got more good news for you.”
My ears perked.
“I got the results of your biopsy this morning,” he said, “and the mass on your pancreas is benign.”
Relief flooded Sam’s face, and Grace squeezed his hand.
Ella clutched her hand to her chest. “Oh, thank goodness.”
“That’s wonderful news,” I said, but the feeling of despair that had been looming clouded my vision.
“Yes, it is.” Sam looked at me and smiled before turning his gaze back to Grace. “We got pretty lucky, you and me.”
“The luckiest.” Happy tears fell down Grace’s cheeks. I couldn’t help but remember the many times Carrie and I had waited in hospital rooms and doctor’s offices for good news, our eyes full of hope and love. But every time, we were let down.
My throat felt thick, and I could feel my pulse starting to quicken, my breathing becoming more irregular.
I coughed and pulled my phone out of my pocket, pretending to look at the screen. “I uh… I should go call the guys,” I said. “They’ll want to hear the good news. I should call Antoni too.”
Ella looked at me, her brows furrowed, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet her gaze as I made my way to the door.
“I’ll be right back.” My legs carried me down the hall toward the elevator. I pressed the button, but it merely hummed in reply. I tapped it again impatiently, willing it to come faster. I could feel the waves nipping at my heels, so I followed the signs to the stairwell.
I barreled through the door and only made it down a couple of flights before the sea of emotion took my breath away once again. I leaned against the cool concrete of the wall and slid to the ground, resting my arms on my knees. I drew in jagged breaths, trying to steady myself when my phone rang from my hand.
Delilah’s name appeared on the screen, as though she had some sort of alarm system that told her when I was in the middle of a breakdown. I ignored the call and clutched my phone to my chest, trying to regain control of my breathing. I didn’t realize how long I’d been gone until a text notification pinged on my phone nearly an hour later.
Ella: Where’d you go?
I stared at the screen and pushed my hand through my hair. I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing, but I knew where I needed to go.
Twenty-Five
