Dull footfalls got closer until they were accompanied by the click of a lock, the creak of a door, and then a gasp of surprise.
“Luca.” Katie bounced outside and her arms were around me in a quarter of a second. “Oh my God. I can’t believe you’re here. Do you know how worried I’ve been? How worried we’veallbeen? You better have a good explanation, mister. You better have dropped your phone into a toilet in Amsterdam and lost your passport or been detained by the embassy or something because—”
I don’t know who was more stunned by the emotion that started fucking leaking from my eyes—me or her. But I didn’t have the energy to care. Every bit of strength I had left was clinging to my friend like she was the last thread holding me to the earth.
She said my name again, this time more softly. “I…I didn’t mean it. I’m not upset. I was just giving you a hard time. Luca, you’re scaring me. Please talk to me.”
“Hey, Butter Bean, is everything okay?” Dallas froze when he stepped into view, his eyes growing wide before narrowing with concern. “Luca? Are you okay?”
I shook my head, unable to string together any words that made sense.
He stepped onto the stoop and reached for my shoulder. I only broke my embrace with Katie to grasp onto Dallas who wrapped me in a bear hug so tight it might’ve suffocated me if I could have caught my breath.
Katie stepped aside but kept a hand on my arm. Her features were blurred, but even through the rainstorm that clouded my vision I could see the alarm on her face.
“We’ve got you,” Dallas said in my ear. “You hear me, brother?”
It took everything I had to whisper, “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Dallas pulled his head back, his hands on either side of my face. “We’ve always got you.”
“Come on,” Katie said, squeezing my shoulder. “Let’s get you inside.”
I woketo the whispers of hushed voices and the smell of freshly brewed coffee. I shot up, a colorful afghan falling off my chest, revealing yesterday’s clothes. It took a few seconds to remember I wasn’t alone anymore and that the sounds coming from the next room weren’t from the demons that haunted me; they were from my friends, and I happened to be on their couch.
Their geriatric dog, Emilia, was curled up at my feet. I’d actually been the one to find her—or more accurately, she’d found me when her owner left her, diaper and all, at my place after a one-night stand, never to return. She was prissy and tiny enough to be carried around in a bag, but she was also mostly blind. I wasn’t exactly in a position to take care of myself, let alone anyone else, but it fucking bothered me the way this chick had discarded the pup like she was trash. I felt sorry for the dog. I knew what it was like to be rejected for things beyond my control.
“Hey, girl,” I murmured, reaching to stroke the top of her head. She opened her eyes, but I wasn’t sure she could really see me, so I let her sniff my fingers. That elicited a soft wag of her tail. “It’s good to see you too.”
My head throbbed, and my throat burned like a cut doused in alcohol. It was like a hangover, except I hadn’t had a fucking drop to drink in over a year. I dropped my head back onto the pillow I was fairly certain wasn’t there the night before and pulled the blanket tighter around me. Emilia twirled in a circle, pawed at the blanket, and flopped back down to resume her slumber.
“Hey,” Katie said, appearing in the doorway. “You’re up. Want some coffee?”
“Coffee would be good,” I said.
“Black, right?” she asked.
I made a half-hearted attempt at a smile. “Like my soul.”
When she returned with a mug a couple of moments later, I sat up, keeping the blanket over my lap. I turned the blue ceramic in my hands, reading the phrase printed across the middle.
One day at a time.
One cup at a time.
I couldn’t help but feel Katie had selected that mug just for me.
“Thanks,” I said, taking a sip of the dark liquid as she sank into the armchair across from me with her own cup cradled in her hands.
“You sleep okay?” Dallas asked as he entered the room, sitting on the arm of Katie’s overstuffed chair.
“We were going to set you up in Jo’s old room,” Katie said, “but by the time we came back in here, you were already out. You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you. And Emilia refused to settle until we let her lie down with you.”
Watery images of the night before flashed through my mind. Me, trying to no avail to piece together sentences about why I was there, but unable to do so. Katie and Dallas, wide-eyed and helpless as they did what they could to comfort me. Hoarse whispers as my head was gently lifted off the cushion of the sofa and placed on a cloud. The gentle weight of something being draped over my body. A soft lump resting on my feet.
“I’m sorry about last night.” My voice came out gritty, like sandpaper, and I cleared my throat. “I didn’t mean to show up like a fucking wreck.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Dallas said. “That’s the thing about family. You can show up any way you need to.”
