“That’s right,” Katie agreed. “And we’re going to be here for you.Allof us.”
My ears snagged on the last part of what she said. “Who else knows I’m here?”
“I told Liv and Jo,” Katie answered, which meant that by now, everyone knew. “Luca, we’ve all been worried about you. They know the most important part—that you’re safe. I didn’t tell them anything about how you showed up, just that you did.”
I released a slow breath and nodded.
“How are you feeling?” Katie asked.
“Empty.” It was the first word that came to mind. “Like I could sleep forever and it wouldn’t be enough.”
“We’ve got the guest room all ready for you if you want to lie back down for a while,” Dallas said.
Katie leaned forward, her elbows on her pajama-clad knees. “But how about we get you something to eat first? We can talk more over breakfast, or we don’t have to talk at all. Whatever you need.”
“You guys don’t need to rearrange your lives for me,” I said, pushing my hand through the mess that was my hair. “I know you’ve got work.”
“We’re going to take a couple days off,” Dallas said. “Perk of shacking up with the boss.” He tossed Katie a wink.
“I don’t need babysitters,” I snapped and immediately regretted it. “I’m…I’m sorry.”
“We just want to be here,” Katie replied, unfazed. “Besides, my staff can take care of things when I’m not there. I went through this whole thing after my MS diagnosis where I had to learn how to delegate and trust my employees.” She paused for a beat and swallowed hard. “Anyway, when you’re feeling up to it, you’ve got to come in and check out the place. I think you’ll be proud.”
My chest tightened as Dallas rose to his feet. “I’m making breakfast. How about some pancakes? Maybe some bacon and eggs too?”
I didn’t want to eat anything, but my stomach growled in protest, so I agreed.
“Coming right up,” he said before leaving the room.
A moment passed, and I brought my eyes up to Katie.
“Iamproud of you,” I said. “And I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to tell you that.” It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough, but it was all I had to give at that moment.
“You’re here now,” she said. “That’s what matters.”
I nodded once and took another sip of coffee. We sat in silence, listening to Dallas clatter around the kitchen. It made me think of the time I hung out with Katie when she was sick. Her best friend Jo was living with her at the time and was putting on a big charity event. She didn’t want to leave Katie, and with everyone else we knew going to the event, Jo asked me to stay with her. I’d never been the nurturing type, so I knew I was probably a last resort, but it still made me feel good that I’d been considered at all. We watched terrible movies and did these ridiculous face masks and laughed, but mostly we just existed in each other’s company. For a long time, Katie had primarily been the friend of my other friends. But that night, she became mine too. After that, our friendship grew, and she became like a sister to me. For someone who had no real family to speak of, that meant a lot.
After Dallas poked his head in to announce that breakfast was ready, I took a seat at the table as he served our plates. Katie placed Emilia in front of her food bowl before topping off our coffees and joining us.
“I started therapy. A couple days ago,” I finally said, staring down at the steam swirling over my mug. “I wasn’t traveling. That whole time I acted like I was out on some big fucking adventure, I was actually rotting in my apartment, wishing I could disappear.”
Katie brought her hands in front of her mouth almost as though she was praying, and Dallas set his fork aside.
“In fact, I was fairly certain your lives, everyone’s lives, would be better if I did.”
“Luca.” Katie’s voice was almost inaudible. “That couldn’t be further from the truth. You have to know that.”
“I do now,” I admitted. “I reached…a scary point. My thoughts had become so dark they distorted my reality. When I hit my lowest point, something happened. My phone, which had been dead for who knows how long, powered on. I expected nothing but telemarketers and wrong numbers, but what I found was all of you. I listened to your messages that had collected over the last several months. And that’s when I realized that even if I didn’t deserve it, you guys were still here for me.”
Dallas drew his brows together. “Didn’t deserve it? Of course, you deserve it. We fucking love you, dude.”
Katie sniffed and reached across the table to touch my arm. “Yes, we do.”
“I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye,” Dallas continued. “And I know my stubborn ass hasn’t always been good about showing it, but you’re like a brother to me. And that means even when I don’t like you, I still fucking love you. I will never turn you away. You hear me? Not ever.”
My throat worked to swallow down the lump in my throat. “I shouldn’t have lied to you, but I didn’t know how to tell you guys the truth either. That I was fucking falling apart for no goddamn reason. That the pressure of simply fucking existing over the past few years had become too much.”
“I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you.” Katie gave my hand a squeeze. “We should have been there.”
