She needed someone who’d put her first, who wouldn’t drag her down, who understood how to love someone selflessly. McKenzie knew how to do that. She lifted me up and cheered me on from the very beginning. But I’d been so caught up in how good it felt to be wanted, respected, and loved that I’d failed the one person I felt those things for. I took her for granted. Just as I’d done with every other good thing in my life.
She was better off without me. Everyone was. She deserved an explanation or at least a goodbye, but I’d just have to add that to the long list of things I wasn’t capable of giving her.
It was nearly 2 a.m. by the time I made it back to my place in Kentucky and climbed out of my car. The bitter cold would have been enough to freeze me to my bones if I wasn’t made of ice already. I gathered my things and stepped inside, not bothering to turn the lights on. I left my bags by the front door and dropped onto the sofa, lying on my side. The cushions enveloped me in a musty greeting of dust and stale air.
Even in the absence of light, I sensed the shadows creeping closer. I felt their breath, hot against my skin, as they crawled back inside me where they belonged. My eyes drifted closed, and I sighed with relief as the darkness welcomed me home.
A loud thuddingechoed in my ears, jolting me awake. It was like someone was banging their fist against the walls of my skull.
Jesus. I can’t even get peace in my sleep.I grabbed a throw pillow and crushed it to my face as I squeezed my eyes shut again
“Luca, open up,” a deep, muffled voice called.
“We know you’re in there,” another added, this one soft and sweet.
I bolted upright.Dallas and Katie?
Boom, boom, boom.The pounding wasn’t coming from inside my head—it was coming from my front door.
“Come on, man,” Dallas said. “Let us in. We want to help.”
The events of the hours before washed over me in an endless pour, as if every moment I wished I could take back was waterboarding me. I had no idea what time it was, but the darkness inside said it was still nighttime.
“Dude, don’t think I won’t rip this door off its hinges,” Dallas bellowed again.
I trudged over to the door and opened it, finding my friends’ worried faces staring back at me, Emilia clutched in Katie’s arms. She wagged her tail when she saw me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, blinking in disbelief.
“I believe we could ask you the same thing,” Katie answered. “Can we come in?”
I nodded and stepped aside, allowing them to cross over the threshold.
Seconds later, the living room was bathed in light with Katie’s hand hovering over the switch.
I squinted as my vision adjusted and pushed my fingers through my hair.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Almost four in the morning,” Dallas replied, moving over to the sofa and sitting down. “We came as soon as McKenzie’s friend called Katie. What happened, man?”
“Wait. McKenzie’s friend?” I shook my head and looked from Dallas to Katie. “Why would her friend call you?”
Katie shot Dallas a glare and swallowed hard before gesturing toward the couch.
“Come sit down.” She placed a hand on my arm, guiding me across the room as she set Emilia on the floor.
“Why did McKenzie’s friend call you?” I asked again, taking a seat between them.
“We’ll get to that,” Dallas said. “But right now, we want to know what’s going on with you.”
“Just google my name.” I folded my arms over my chest. “That’ll tell you everything.”
Dallas nodded. “We saw. But…why did you leave like that? You didn’t tell anyone. McKenzie showed up at your house and you weren’t there. Grace got a single-sentence email from you, calling off the album and the tour. We all tried your cell, but it went to voicemail every time.”
I released a slow exhale. “I shut it off.”
“We were worried sick,” Katie said, touching my shoulder. “Why didn’t you call one of us? We would have been there.”
