“When Oliver’s name showed up on my phone last night, I thought he was calling to make sure I was on the way to his house, that I hadn’t fallen asleep again or something,” I say. “But it was Joe, telling me Oliver was in the hospital. Lucy, that phone call took me right back to the night Dad died. I thought Dad was calling me, but it was Mom and…”
I don’t have to fill in the blanks. She knows because she got the same call.
“Being at the hospital, seeing all the crew and their families waiting for answers. It was so clear this wasn’t as uncommon as Oliver let me believe,” I continue. “Or maybe that’s just what I wanted to believe because I liked him so much. I was stupid. He literally came to my house because of a fire. Ofcourse,firefighters go out on fire calls. That’s the job.”
My sister frowns, her brows drawing together with concern.
“I’m a terrible person, Lucy. What kind of coward breaks up with someone because their job’s too scary?”
“A person who knows what it's like to lose someone,” she says. “And that doesn’t make you a bad person. I know his job is dangerous, but Lindsey, these things can happen to anyone. Just look at Dad. I mean, something could happen to me or Willow. Nobody’s immune. It’s a chance we take.”
“How?” I prop my elbows on the desk, shoving my fingers through my hair. “How do you do that when the stakes are this high? Don’t you ever feel scared?”
“Well, yeah. Of course, I do.” She gives me a resigned shrug. “But it sure beats the alternative, you know?”
I twist my lips to the corner of my mouth. “I’m not so sure.”
“So, what are you going to do? What are will you say to Oliver?”
“I’m not sure I’ll truly know until I’m standing in front of him.” I hit the button on the side of my phone to illuminate the clock and let out a sharp exhale. “Which I’ll be doing in just a few minutes because I’m headed over to his place. I’ve got to get going.”
I rise to my feet and gather my things, powering down my desktop.
Lucy stands. “You know if you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”
“I know.”
She pulls me into a hug. “I mean it. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”
“I will,” I say, starting toward the door.
“Hey, Linds?” Lucy calls.
“Yeah?”
“Being afraid doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you human.”
I pickup chicken soup for Oliver from the deli in town. Even if I had an appetite, which I don’t, I know I won’t be staying for dinner. Telling Oliver how I feel isn’t going to get any easier, so I might as well just rip off the Band-Aid.
“Hey, beautiful. Get in here. It’s raining cats and dogs out there.” He answers the door looking handsome as ever, and my heart aches for a time when I believed love never died. For a time when I wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop, no matter how naive I might have been.
Naivete, I’ve realized, is a luxury.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” I say as he kisses my cheek, taking the bag and cup from my hands. I reach down and pet the top of Ace’s head. “You’ve been taking good care of your dad.”
“He’s a pretty good nurse.” Oliver chuckles. “Thanks again for bringing dinner.”
“Of course.” I do my best to force a smile.
“I’ll take it into the kitchen and plate it up,” he says, walking ahead.
I try to speak as I trail behind him, but my words can’t claw their way out of my chest. My feet come to a stop in the kitchen doorway, unwilling or unable to move any closer. This is the firsttime I’ve been to Oliver’s home, and it’s as cozy and warm as I imagined it. Just like Oliver.
“The food smells delicious, by the way.” He unpacks the bag and frowns. “I think they forgot part of the order. There’s only one container in here.”
My heart is beating so fast I think it might shatter.
“That’s okay.” He reaches into an upper cabinet and pulls down two bowls. “We can share.”
