“Oliver, I can’t stay.” My voice comes out strained, the weight of my emotions is crushing my windpipe.
“What? Why?” he asks, placing the bowls on the counter. “Do you need to get back to the clinic?”
“No,” I say, the answer getting strangled in my throat. “It’s not that.”
He tilts his head, stepping toward me. “Is everything okay? You seem tense.”
I slip my bottom lip between my teeth.
“Lindsey, talk to me. What’s going on?” He reaches out and squeezes my arm. “Honesty, remember?”
“Oliver, um, there’s no easy way to say this,” I say, blinking back tears. “I like you. A lot. Getting to know you has been so special for me. Not just for me, but for my family too.”
“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”
“I think we need…thatIneed to take a step back.”
His hand drops to his side. “I’m confused—I thought things were going great between us. Did I misread something?”
“No,” I say. “You didn’t. This is all on me.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t understand. Can we talk about this? It seems like this is coming out of nowhere and—” A knowing look settles over his face, and he rubs his thumb along his jaw. “This is about last night, isn’t it?”
I open my mouth but close it again.
“I knew it. It freaked you out.” He takes my hands in his. “Lindsey, this kind of thing happens sometimes. It’s part of the job, but I’m safe. You don’t have to worry. I know what I’m doing. I’m gonna be okay.”
I withdraw my fingers from his grasp. “I want to believe you. I do. But you can’t know that. Too many things can happen.”
“You say that like I haven’t lost someone,” he says, his voice rising as he shoves his hand through his hair. “Like I don’t know how it feels to have the ground ripped out from under me.”
“I know you do, and that’s why I hope you’ll understand that I need to take a step back.”
“And what does that mean to you, exactly?”
I drop my gaze to the floor.
He nods once. “You don’t want to see me at all.”
My chest is hollow, as though my heart has simply fallen out. Maybe it has.
“I’m sorry.” I look up at him with pleading eyes. “This hasnothingto do with you.”
“Like hell it doesn’t,” he snaps. “You’re backing off because of my job. Kinda sounds like it haseverythingto do with me.”
“No,” I choke out. “This is all on me. I think you’re amazing. You’re kind and thoughtful and brave.”
He throws up his hands. “So be bravewithme, Lindsey. It doesn’t have to end like this.”
My lips tremble, and silent tears roll down my face. “I…I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
My silence is all the answer he needs.
“You weren’t the only one taking a risk here,” he says, his mouth flattened into a hard line. “I let you in. I trusted you.”
“I care so much for you. I need you to know that,” I say, “and I’m so?—”
