“Some coffee would be great to start.” I pause for effect, but Lily is a tough crowd this morning. “Fine. I need some help. If I tell you my problem, do you promise not to laugh at me?”
“No. What have you done?” Holy cow, she’s vicious this morning. My message must have been a bad one.
“You know, don’t worry about it. I’ll just talk to you later.” I hear a deep sigh.
“Colin, what is the problem?” I sit for a second thinking. Maybe this isn’t as great an idea as I thought it was last night. A lot of ideas sound better when you’ve had a few. “Colin!”
“I need help with Maggie!” I’ve yelled it but at least it’s out there now. The phone line is silent. “Lily?”
“I’m just trying to figure out what you’ve done.”
“I haven’t done anything. Nothing bad anyway. I might have sent her a picture of my dick last night, but I’m not sure.” I hear Lily groan into the phone.
“Colin! Please don’t start an affair with Maggie. She’s not just another notch on your bedpost. You could really hurt her. She can’t go through that again.”
“What do you mean by that? Are you talking about whatever happened in college that no one would ever tell me about?” I ask.
“I can’t break Maggie’s confidence to tell you either. Just find someone else to set your sights on. You know I love you, but you go through women like bad Chinese food through a colon.” Not helping my rolling stomach.
“Lil, you know I’ve tried really hard to stay away from her for years. But I don’t know if I can stay away anymore. She’s funny, smart, snarky. Please help me.”
“I’ll have to think about it. I’m doing a girls’ night at the beginning of the week. I’ll feel out the situation and let you know. But I swear, if you hurt her, I’ll cut off your balls myself.” What is with women constantly bringing up my balls?
“I guess I’ll take what I can get. Thanks, Lilypad.”
“Bye big bro.” Not exactly the results I was hoping for. I throw on some clothes, grab a granola bar and head to my office. I need to put in a couple of hours of work to make up for my lack of concentration lately.
By noon I’ve finished making revisions on lease agreements for a small independent drilling company. It’s not complicated work so I don’t turn in many hours. I loved studying law in school when it was all about arguing mock cases. I had this ridiculous dream of fighting for justice, righting wrongs. I chalk it up to one too many Daredevil comics I kept in my dresser growing up.
Spending my days pushing paperwork around, however, is mind-numbing. I close up my office, leaving the paperwork on the secretary’s desk to be forwarded, then walk to the deli and order a turkey on rye for lunch.
Pulling out my book, I settle in to read, only needing to read just a few more chapters until I’m finished with it. I have a real ball-buster as a teacher, so I don’t want to fall behind. I pull out my phone typing out a text.
Colin: I’ll be done with Edmund Dantes tonight.
Maggie: Well, aren’t we the teacher’s pet.I laugh, drawing odd looks from other diners.
Colin: Just trying to stay out of the dunce chair. After last night, it might take two apples.
Maggie: If only we still had those big pointy hats. Even you would struggle to look good in one! I’ll have your next book when you call tonight.
I put my phone back in my pocket, a stupid grin spreading across my face. At least she’s still talking to me. Now I just have to make it until tonight.
Heaven, in my world anyway, has always been me slumped on the couch watching Sunday night football with a bowl of delivered pasta in my hands. Also helps to have a cold beer on the coffee table. I’m proved wrong though when my phone lights up.
I see the picture of Maggie with her eyes closed, lips slightly parted in a smile while she sits on the bench in front of the school at lunch. I managed to take it right before I scared the fuck out of her. Literally. That was the word that came out of those heart-shaped lips. I’m also aware that taking the picture proves that I’m a whole lot of creepy. You have to call a spade a spade. If I had that moment again would I take the same picture? Oh fuck yeah!
“Hello, beautiful. What have you found to do this evening?” I ask, muting the TV.
“Actually, you’ve inspired me. I’m sitting on my porch swing catching up on some reading of my own.”
“Hopefully something totally inappropriate.” Why?! Why would I say that? Thank God, she’s laughing.
“Colin, where does your mind come up with that?”
“I don’t know. I just open my mouth and crap falls out when I talk to you. I blame my parents for my upbringing really. I used to have a lot more game than this, I swear.” She’s still laughing, which I take as a good sign.
“Colin, you probably have more game than anyone else I’ve ever met,” she says, still laughing. I wonder though, is that a compliment or a condemnation of my character?
