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I take a deep breath. "I've been thinking."
"You look cute thinking."
"Do you still need space?"
She shakes her head. "I don't like being away from you."
The tension in my body releases.
"But I only want to do this if we're going to do it right." She looks down at her coffee and takes a long sip.
I turn my body towards hers. "What does right mean?"
"Well, um." She presses her fingers into the cup. Her eyes are still on the floor.
She's slipping, going somewhere else in her head. I can't let that happen. I need to keep her here.
"You know you can tell me anything," I say.
"It's just." She looks up. Her eyes are heavy. "I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this if you say no."
"What is it?"
She bites her lip. Looks at the ground again. "Did you think about what you want?"
"You know what I want. I want you."
She presses her eyes closed and takes another sip of her coffee. Then another. Hell, she downs most of the cup. Her gaze turns to my tea. She looks at me like she's asking permission to take it.
I hand her the mug and she holds it tightly.
"Ally, you're not inspiring me with confidence."
"Do you know what that means? What I expect that to mean?"
I swallow. It means I banish Samantha from my life. This is a choice, apparently, and I only get to pick one. Either I abandon my suicidal friend or I lose my girlfriend.
It's a hell of a choice.
Alyssa means so much more to me than Samantha does. Under any normal circumstance, I'd choose Alyssa every time. Everything I have with her is magic.
And it's not as if Samantha has been a good friend. She's manipulative and needy. Hell, she spent our entire romantic relationship lying to my face. Fucking my father behind my back.
She took up all the sadness when he died. Like it was hers. Like she had the right to it. Like I needed to be the one to comfort her.
I know all of this. I know she's been awful. Her threats might be empty. Her suicide attempts might be cries for my attention.
But what if they're not? There's no way I can sentence her to this life. There's no way I can step aside and allow her to kill herself.
Alyssa sighs. She shifts back in her seat, her attention on my cup of tea. "That's what I figured."
"No. It's not."
Her eyes find mine, but there's no hope in them. She's defeated. "So you're ready to end your friendship with her?"
"As soon as she's back on her feet."
Her eyes turn to the sky. "Does she know that?"
