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"She attempted suicide a few weeks ago. I'm trying to ease her into this."
"I bet." She shakes her head. Shifts back into her seat.
It's a beautiful day, but right now it feels ugly. This moment is hideous.
Alyssa's voice is harsh. Impatient. "I'll take that as a no."
"Ally..."
The color drains from her face. "You act like her boyfriend."
"That's not true."
She shakes her head. "You like being the person she needs. You're never going to stop. Not as long as you keep feeling needed."
I move towards her. I offer my hand but she ignores it. "Yes, in the past, I've appreciated feeling needed. But that isn't what is happening here."
"Right."
"It's not out of line that I'm worried she's going to kill herself."
Alyssa shifts out of her seat. She moves to the railing Presses her hands against it. "So what if I step over this railing and say the only thing that will keep me from jumping is if you tell Samantha to get lost... would that do it?"
"It's not like that."
She turns to face me. Her eyes are on fire. Her voice is demanding. "It's exactly like that."
"I trust you not to manipulate me."
"But she can manipulate you all she wants?"
I stand and grab Alyssa's wrists. She gasps, but she doesn't fight me.
I pull her closer, until she's only inches away. Her eyes find mine, scanning them like she'll find some answer.
"She's almost there," I say. "She has a job and a place to live. All I want to do is make sure she has someone she can call if things get bad."
Her eyes narrow. "It's called a therapist."
"Then I'll make sure she has a therapist. But you've been where she is. You know a therapist isn't going to be enough to convince her to get better."
She pushes me away. Hard. "Fuck you. I've never been where she is. She's in some kind of bullshit, made-up problems manipulation land. I never once tried to use my eating disorder for sympathy. Never."
"That's not what I meant."
"Is that why you like me? Because I'm your replacement crazy girlfriend?"
I wrap my fingers around her wrist. This time she shakes me off.
"Don't touch me right now," she says.
I lower my voice. "You know that isn't true."
"What do I know? Maybe you saw some other wounded bird you needed to nurse back to health and that was all that mattered. You had a mission--to liberate me from Ryan--and you did it well. So good job."
I grab her wrist. She tries to shrug me off but I don't let go.
"Don't say that," I say.
