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Alyssa steals a sip of my tea. "Wow, that is awful."
"I told you."
"Why drink something you don't like? Why not hold out for what you really want?" Alyssa's eyes are on mine.
She's not asking the tea.
"I already have what I want," I say.
She blushes and turns her attention back to the window. So this dinner can't be all bad.
Samantha drops the subject of the cake. She eats the rest of it without offering more bites or complaining she has to eat it alone.
The rest of the dinner is polite. Talk about nothing. No argument when I insist on paying the bill. Samantha lingers a little long when she hugs me good-bye, but it's still well within the normal length of a hug from a friend.
It's nothing.
***
Alyssa beats me home. The lights are off. She's sitting on the couch cross-legged, her attention on the darkness engulfing the backyard.
Her eyes are heavy, like she's about to cry, like she can't stand another minute in her skin.
"Ally..." I move towards her. Sit next to her on the couch. "What's wrong?"
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "I hate to sound like a cliché, but do you really have to ask?"
"Of course I--"
"I don't want to fight."
I try to take her hand but she pulls it away.
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
She says nothing.
"Ally, what are you talking about?"
She moves off the couch. To the sliding door to the backyard--a big mass of glass blocking out the darkness.
"You can tell me anything," I say. "Even if it hurts."
But she shakes her head. She presses her palm against the glass of the door. I can barely see her reflection. But it looks like she's crying.
Her voice is a whisper. "I'm not in the mood to have some stupid drawn-out conversation."
"Don't be so oblique."
Alyssa turns back to me. She stares at me, her eyes heavy, like they're so full of sadness they're going to burst. "She's in love with you. Why can't you see it?"
"That's ridiculous."
"What about it is ridiculous? You visit her. You dote on her. You soak up all that need of hers. Why wouldn't she be in love with you?"
"She's not."
A tear rolls down her cheek. "I can't keep doing this."
