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"I want to be with you too, Luke, but not like this. Not if you're always going to rush off to save her." She steps away, her back pressed against the glass. "I need some space. To think about this... to figure out if I can really handle it."
"I thought we were done with space."
"Me too."
She moves away from me, towards the couch, towards the other side of the room. She picks up her purse and hugs it to her chest. She looks so small and sad and it's all my fault.
I need to do something now. I need to grab back on to her.
"I want to help you through everything you're dealing with," I say. "You shouldn't have to do it alone."
She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't. Not if you keep trying to save her."
"Let's talk about this."
Alyssa shakes her head, hugging her purse tighter and tighter. "Are you still her friend?"
"That doesn't matter."
"And are you still going to insist she needs your help?"
"She does."
"Then no," Alyssa says. "We can't talk about it. Because any conversation I'm going to have is going to include some kind of ultimatum." She moves away from the door, wiping tears from her cheeks.
I take the box of tissues off the coffee table and offer them to her. She takes one and dabs it against her eyes gently.
This is the closest I'm getting to her tonight.
Her voice is a whisper. "I sat back idly while you went to rescue her. And really, I was okay with it, because it's who you are. You care too much and you want to help people. But this has gone too far. I'm losing you."
"You'll never lose me."
She shakes her head. "For all intents and purposes, you're her boyfriend. And I'm not going to share you."
"Alyssa..."
"I want to be with you. But not like this." She takes another step towards the door. "Think about it, okay? Because I'm going to get some breathing room, and I'm going to figure out exactly what I want. And when I come back, I expect you to know what you want too."
"I know what I want. I want you."
She shakes her head. "But you want to help her too." She wipes a stray tear from her eye. "Think about it, okay? When I do this, I want to do it all the way."
"Alyssa, stay."
"I'm sorry," she says. "I love you. I hope you can figure this out."
She steps out the door.
And that's it.
The color drains from the room. It's cold and gray and there's no rhyme or reason to any of it anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
It was hard before, when Alyssa didn't immediately choose me. It was unfair of me to give her an ultimatum, but I couldn't help it. My stomach twisted in knots every time I thought of her with Ryan. I know it's a dick move to start an affair with an engaged woman then get mad at her for being engaged, but I really didn't mean to fall in love with her.
I never thought things would get that far.
