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From the look on Joel's face, it's clear he's not believing it either.
Doesn't matter what Joel thinks. I'm tired of everybody looking at me like I'm about to screw shit up. I deserved it once upon a time—when Mom and Dad bailed, I used the freedom to drink and screw around. Flunked out of high school, lost my part-time job, lost my friends.
But that was six years ago now.
I turned shit around. I got my GED. I got a better job. I channeled my energy into the thing that mattered—making music.
Wish I could object and tell Joel to go fuck himself, but the drummer has a point. I'll never forgive myself if I hurt Violet again.
Sitting here with Joel isn't doing shit for me. I nod goodbye and move into the kitchen.
Violet looks up at me. She pulls her headphones off her ears. "Did you need something?"
"This." I open the fridge and pull out a bowl of strawberries. "You want some?"
"Yeah, that would be great." Her lips curl into a tiny smile.
I set the fruit on the table and slide into the other seat. It's a small enough space that my knees bump Violet's. "What are you working on?"
"I need to start applying for jobs. Most people at school lined something up months ago."
"Genetics?"
"Yeah." She takes a small bite of a strawberry. "There are a lot of openings in New York, Los Angeles, even Orange County." She looks up at me. "I haven't decided where I want to be."
I can hear the question in her voice. Where do you want me to be?
She presses her lips together. "The field is growing but it's still small. I want to make sure it's some place I can see myself for a long time."
"You can see yourself in Orange County?"
"I don't know. Maybe." She gnaws on her strawberry until her lips are red. "If Asher was still here or if you and I were together, it would be no question." Her words run together. "I mean, as much as I can't stand the whole Orange County superficiality, hair extensions and fake tits everywhere, I do love being in Huntington Beach. If I could live a few blocks from the ocean, that would really be amazing."
"Cali girl," I tease.
"Maybe I am." Her cheeks flush. Her eyes flare with nervousness as they catch mine. She stuffs a strawberry into her mouth and takes her time chewing it.
She's scared. I need to do something to fix that.
I make my voice soft. "I think about where I should be too."
"Yeah?"
"Only reason why I'm still in Orange County is 'cause Piper is there. Joel and Mal live in Los Angeles. It would make sense to move closer to them. I'll have to be in LA when we record, have to tour half the year, but the rest of the time…" I look Violet in the eyes. "I can be anywhere."
"Would you really move away to be with… with someone?"
"Would depend on the someone. And if she asked."
"Right, yeah. That's um, well, you know, it can be good to change things up. I like New York a lot. It's really alive and vibrant. You don't need a car. People don't give a fuck if you wear a black tutu or if you dye your hair purple, not that I've tried either, but I have seen it. You're so friendly. You could get to know people anywhere. But then your family is in southern California, so it might be a good idea to stay there." She catches herself babbling and shoves another strawberry into her mouth. When she's finally finished chewing, she speaks with a soft voice. "I… I think I'm going to take a nap. I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah."
She nods to the fruit bowl. "You can finish these." She scoops her things into her arms, slides into her bunk, and pulls her privacy curtain closed.
Joel clears his throat. "You want your turn, Ethan?"
I run my hand through my hair.
