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Ah.
That's it!
"How about I give you a facial," I say.
His pupils dilate. "You're going to have to explain this—"
"Not that kind of facial."
"That's all I'm thinking."
"It's for your skin."
"Yeah, I hear it's great for your skin."
I laugh. "Like at a spa. We can make homemade masks. We need to pick up some food anyway."
"You do that at a spa."
My laugh spreads all the way to my belly. I have to clutch at my stomach so I won't double over.
"If you want to get kinky about blowing me in public, I'm not about to complain."
I shake my head. Okay, I'm getting back in control of this conversation. "You know that isn't the kind of facial I mean."
He tries to keep a straight face, but he doesn't quite get there. He's laughing.
"We'll do an avocado and honey face mask."
"You turning down my offer?"
I nod.
He cocks a brow.
"I'm not opposed to doing that kind of thing in public." My cheeks flush, but I press on. "But I don't want you coming on my face."
His pupils dilate.
"I want you coming on my tits or in my mouth. Or… well. I want you coming inside me. I'm on the pill. And I'm safe. If you're safe—"
"Fuck, don't tease about this."
"I'm not."
"You want to go bareback?"
Yes. Badly. But then I'm supposed to be waiting until I'm sure I'll survive losing him.
Only I'm never going to be sure of that.
And, really, there are no guarantees in life…
Maybe I'm letting go of caution. Maybe I'm thinking with my libido. I don't care.
I need to have Joel again.
I nod. "I do. Not right now. But… sometime."
