“Yeah. I’m lonely. And I hate that I am, because I have you guys. I have this family. I should be grateful. I should be happy for you all. And I am. Iamhappy for you. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m drowning while everyone celebrates.”
“Dex…”
“And the worst part?” I couldn’t stop now. Now that I’d finally loosened my grip on the pain, it was pouring out of me. “The worst part is that Iresentyou for it. Not for being happy. But for not noticing. For assuming I’m fine because I’ve always been fine. For not seeing that I’m disappearing.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
“I’m sorry,” Xander said finally, his voice rough. “I’msofucking sorry. You’re right. We didn’t notice. Or we noticed but didn’t push because you kept saying you were fine. And we believed you because it was easier than seeing that you weren’t.”
I looked away. “It’s not your fault.”
My go-to reaction now was to walk away. To hide the pain and deal with it alone. Except that hadn’t been working. It might even be making it worse. But how do you stand in front of some you called your best friend, your brother, and face telling him that his happiness was making you miserable.
“It is, though. At least partly.” He moved closer. “You’re family, Dex. Not because of blood, but because you chose us and we chose you. That’s real family. That’s what counts. And if we made you feel like you were less than that, like you were just ‘the friend,’ then we fucked up. Badly.”
“I don’t know how to be around you all anymore,” I admitted. “I don’t know how to watch you be happy without feeling like I’m failing. And I hate that I feel that way. Because it’s not your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong. If anything, it’s me. I’m the problem.”
“You will never be the problem, Dex. Let us help you. Stop pulling away. Let us in.” He paused. “And maybe it’s time you built something for yourself. Something that’s yours, not your grandparents’. Not because you inherited it, but because you chose it.”
“I don’t even know what that would be.”
“Then figure it out. We’ll help. But you have to stop disappearing on us first.” He studied me. “And Leigh... whatever happened there, whatever is making things awkward, you need to figure that out too. Because she’s going to be around. She’s family now. And so are you. Which means you both have to find a way to exist in the same space.”
My stomach twisted. “I know.”
“Do you want to tell me what actually happened?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He didn’t push, which made it worse somehow. “But Dex? Whatever it is, it’s eating you alive. And you can’t keep carrying this alone. You don’thaveto carry this alone. It’s probably not even as bad as you think it is.”
After he left, I stood in the empty garage, his words echoing in my head.
“You’re family. Not because of blood, but because you chose us and we chose you.”
I wanted to believe it. Wanted to believe I belonged, that I mattered, that I was more than just the reliable friend who showed up.
But all I could think about was Friday. Facing her again. Pretending everything was normal while remembering the way she’d felt in my arms, the sounds she’d made, the connection that had felt so real. The screaming need to do it all again.
Pretending I didn’t want her when every cell in my body demanded otherwise.
I locked up the garage and drove home. The empty house greeted me like always. My grandparents’ furniture. My father’s books. Ghosts and memories and nothing that was truly mine.
Xander was right. I needed to build something. Choose something. Be something other than the guy who maintained other people’s dreams.
But first, I had to survive Friday night.
I sat in the dark living room and let myself feel all of it. The loneliness, the longing, the fear that I’d never figure out how to belong anywhere.
And underneath it all, the bone-deep want for a woman I could never have.
Three days.
Then I’d see her again. See them all. Try to pretend I was fine.
Try to ignore the way my chest tightened every time I thought about her.
Try to be the Dex they all expected. Reliable. Steady. Always there.
