Lu reached out and touched the edge of my faded hair. “You sound it.”
I knew I didn’t. I breathed in and huffed it back out, shutting my eyes so a new wave of stupid sorrow didn’t come over me.
How could he do what he did? How could he have pretended all this time and then just walked away?
How could he say …
I wasn’t good enough.
I was good enough. I was, wasn’t I?
“Anger. Is that what this is?”
I had been told so many times over that I was a failure and not good enough. Yet hearing him say it had felt much truer, more final, because, finally, I trusted someone. I’d trusted him.
So, yes, I was just as angry with him as I was myself.
“You’re so rude,” I grumbled back into my pillows and dirty sheets some more.
Lu shrugged. She pulled back the sheets, but I yanked them from her again.
Somehow, her voice remained calm as she sat up on the edge of the bed. “You need to clean yourself up.”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure you are,” she said.
I was glad she was finally seeing things my way. I wasn’t going to be this way for much longer. At least, I didn’t think so anyway. I was going to get up and clean up and do yoga and get back to my slightly peppier self soon.
Just not now.
“You could just also be clean.”
Lifting herself back out of my bed, Lu cupped my hands in hers. She ran her thumbs over the backs before she pulled a little, inching me off the mattress. There was likely a permanent indent left behind on the fitted sheet of me in the fetal position. I let my body lug backward, making it harder for her.
“Stars, you’re heavy.”
“Not the sort of words to use when you’re trying to win someone over, Lu.”
“Eh.” Lu didn’t mince them as she led me over the flipped edges of the rugs and pieces of trash.
Opening the door to the bathroom, she turned on the water and let it run while I stared at myself in the small mirror. I really did look horrendous. Shadows coated the delicate skin under my eyes. I couldn’t decide whether it was from not sleeping well, or that I couldn’t remember if I ever took off my makeup.
It was likely a combination of the two.
“I brought good soap from the house and some of Celeste’s treats.” Lu ran her hand under the water before shoving me in. She shut the curtain behind me, setting the soap where I could see it.
I slowly got myself clean and then stood under the water for longer. When I shut it off and pulled aside the curtain, not bothering to cover myself, Lu was still there. This time, she held out a clean, fluffy-looking towel that could only be from my guest towel shelf.
I needed to do laundry as well.
“Feel better? Cleaner at least?”
So as not to disappoint, I nodded. “What’s today?”
Lu attempted a weak laugh. “Thursday.”
“Thursday …”
