“The twenty-third.”
The twenty-third. I started counting before I shut my eyes. I gripped the towel and wrapped the soft terry cloth around me. I swallowed as I looked down to the freckles on my thighs, tanned but quickly fading from not being out in the sun, like I had been over the past few weeks … with him.
I hadn’t had any pauses with him, had I? My brow pinched and creased.
Lu noticed immediately, her eyes studying. “What is it?”
“I, um, I think I’m late.”
“Late for what? I thought you said you were off work today?”
I shook my head.
“What do you mean?” Lu asked.
I stared at her. Understanding swept over Lu’s expression. We both knew exactly what I meant.
“Late,” she repeated.
Quickly, I nodded.
Oh goddess. This could not be happening.
“Are you sure?”
“I think?” I mean, I knew when I’d last had a period. It wasn’t that hard to figure out when I was decently regular.
“I thought you were on the pill.”
I extended my hands to either side. That was hardly the deciding factor right now. “I don’t know, Lu. I’m over a week late. Until right now, with you cleaning me and my apartment up, I wasn’t paying attention to the possibility of being overly fertile. I had other things on my mind.”
I’d had another person clogging up my brain when he shouldn’t have been. A person, who might have gotten me pregnant in some unforeseen, unlikely circumstance. A person, who, if I had their baby, I would likely have to look into their eyes to tell them eventually. Then, we’d both have to remember the day he told me I was exactly the kind of person he never wanted in his life forever, right before I’d tell him that he’d have to be in the rest of mine.
Though I couldn’t have the baby. I’d be a terrible mother for one thing. I lived in a shoebox. And I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to handle looking down at my child every day and seeing his eyes.
But what if …
Goddess.
I cupped my head in my hands.
“Don’t panic. You’ve been stressed, and we’ll figure this out.” Lu pressed her lips together as she thought about what was next. She nodded once, as if whatever was going to happen next was already decided.
“This is so stupid.” Clutching the towel around me, I took a step over to the toilet and sat down on the lid. I dropped my head down into my hands when all I really wanted to do was scream. I was spiraling.
“It’s not,” said Lu. “It’s going to be fine. I’ll run to the store. You can stay here. Right here. I’ll be back, and you’ll take a test. Then, you’ll be sure.”
Then, I’d be sure.
“This might not even be a big deal. Like I said, you’ve been stressed and had a lot going on that’s not part of your normal schedule. Not to mention, you’ve not been eating well. Your body is all out of whack.”
“Just what I also needed to hear. Thank you, Lu.” I continued to shake my head at her excuses, however valid they were.
“I’ll be right back.”
* * *
It didn’t takeLu long to run up to the pharmacy and come back with a little brown paper bag. Soon enough, we were back in the same position, looking at each other and waiting.
