“Hey,” she said softly. “Can I help you with that?”
“Kit, is everything okay?” I looked around to see if she was alone. “Why aren’t you at your party?”
“Party was over.” Kit shrugged. “We had cut the cake, done all that. I saw you leave. I wondered if everything was okay. Veronica gave me a ride home.”
“Oh, what about Matt?” I tried not to sound salty. “You two aren’t hanging out tonight?”
“Um, no,” Kit said cautiously, as if picking up on my jealousy.
“I’m sure he didn’t like that. He seemed pretty determined tonight.” I shut the door to the back porch with my foot and stood at the bottom of the kitchen stairs.
“Maybe,” Kit shrugged. “I talked to Matt. He does want to get back together, but he knows I’m not interested in anything serious right now.”
“Got it,” I said, trying not to seem cold.
“Want help starting that fire?” she asked. “It does get pretty cold at night.”
Kit opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a box of extra-long matches. At which point, I realized what Kit already seemed to know; I needed help starting this fire. I just shrugged. “If you want to.”
Kit followed me up the back stairs and down the hall. I pushed my door open with my hip. The room was still dark. I crossed the room to put the firewood in the rack. I had only brought up a few pieces.
“It’s really cold for March.” Kit shivered as she knelt by the fireplace and suggested, “Maybe you could go get three or four more logs. I’ll get these started.” I listened to Kit. I needed the space. When I got back to my room, Kit was still kneeling by the fireplace. A warm, orange light flickered across the walls in the room as she adjusted the logs with a black iron stoker.
“Thanks, this is great,” I said as I put the extra logs into the firewood rack. I leaned against the mantel. “I probably wouldn’t have been able to get it started on my own.”
Kit moved one of the logs onto the fire. We were quiet while we watched the bark on the log turn black then amber and eventually catch fire.
Kit shifted slightly. She kept her eyes on the fire and asked, “Is everything okay? You seem mad.”
“I’m not,” I said, rubbing my brow.
“Well, I just wanted to tell you thanks for helping make the surprise birthday party happen. I was really surprised,” Kit said. She stood up and stepped closer to me. She looked gorgeous by the glow of the fireplace. When I didn’t move away, she put her hand on my chest. I could feel my heart pounding. Kit making a move was something I had fantasized about since Christmas Eve. I wanted more than anything to kiss her, but instead I blew a little air out of my mouth and said, “Kit, I can’t.”
“You can’t?” Kit’s expression immediately changed to one of confusion. She stepped back.
I scrambled to undo the hurt. “I know you’re enjoying not being tied down and casually dating, but I can’t be casually involved with you, Kit.”
“What do you mean? You can casually date everyone in town, but not me?” Kit huffed. She crossed her arms.
“That’s rich. I haven’t even been on a date since I met you. You’re the one going out on dozens of dates,” I retorted. Kit’s jaw dropped. She turned to leave but I put my hand out and caught her. “That was out of line. I’m sorry.”
Kit crossed her arms and looked down at the floor. Without looking at me she said, “I just don’t understand. If you aren’t interested in me, then why would you be so nice to me? What’s wrong with me?”
I said softly. “Kit, look at me.” I gently lifted her chin so that we were looking at each other. Her eyes were sad. I felt a pang in my chest. I took a deep breath and said, “The reason I don’t want to have a casual thing with you isn’t because you aren’t wonderful. Kit, you’re absolutely perfect. And it’s not because you aren’t beautiful, because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
Chapter 13: Kit
A surge of confusion outweighed my embarrassment and I demanded, “Then what is it, William. What’s wrong with me?”
William’s jaw tensed. I could see the flex in his jaw and neck as he tried to stay patient and calm. He shook his head. “Kit, it’s not you. No, it’s me.”
“Oh my god,” I cried. “This is what you tell every woman. And I’m so stupid because you even admitted to me on Christmas Eve that you tell women this bullshit when they get to be too much for you.”
William shook his head. “No, it’s not the same, Kit. I want you to get to do exactly what you want. If you’re happy dating and not being tied down, that’s what you should do.”
I shook my head, angry that I could be so stupid. “I can’t believe I was so wrong about this.”
“What do you mean?” William’s composure began to dissolve. “This is nothing like any of the other women I’ve dated in the past.”
