This time, I chuckled. “You just asked me when you were gon’ meet Katrelle.”
Kwamé shrugged. “I’ll still meet her. Once I get a feel for her, I’ll let my spirit decide whether I’m gon’ feel bad for her when you wake up and realize she’s not the woman for you.”
“You hell, baby.” I shook my head and laughed at her mischievous smirk. “To answer ya question about those people… I don’t think about them. Do I hate them? Yes. They left me to die or worse.”
“Have you ever thought that if they kept you, you could be dead or worse?”
“Nah,” I replied. “My thing is, they made a decision to drop me off like I wasn’t shit. Like I was a fuckin’ dog they put in a box. How the fuck does anyone get over that?”
Kwamé smiled gently. “You work through your emotions and find a way to bring yourself peace about it. It’s something that can never be undone. You’re here now. Your life is nearly perfect. You’ve met some amazing people. People who love you like blood family.”
Smiling, I said, “I see why the NBA pays you all that damn money.”
She chuckled. “I care a lot about what I do. I care more about my family, though. We’re the only Suarez siblings who remained close. I tend to be overprotective of you even if I have to protectyou from yourself. Rejection is your enemy, and instead of killing it, you allowed it to push you into the arms of a woman you don’t even desire to have.”
“Aight. Since you know it all, how the hell am I supposed to break shit off with Katrelle? She’s already dress shopping.”
Kwamé sighed heavily. “Well, you’re definitely not gon’ do it right before Christmas. That sounds like a scary movie waiting to happen.”
“You should come the Christmas Eve party. She’ll be there.” Unfortunately. I’d invited her weeks ago, before I proposed. I would’ve loved to walk inside the party hand in hand with Bianca. Instead, I had a whole damn fiancée to finesse the fuck out of my life.
Bianca’s head finally peaked over the horizon. Standing, I handed Jessie to Kwamé and started walking to meet her. She’d walked a good mile. Carrying her the rest of the way home would be my honor.Damn. If I had things my way, this would be her home forever.
“Uriah Lovelace has to be released, bro,” Kwamé called after me.
“Yeah, I know.”
Letting go of the little boy still resting inside me was a hard pill to swallow. Holding on to him made me feel like I could hold on to the hate of my parents for eternity. I never wanted to forgive those muthafuckas. Letting go of Uriah meant letting go of them. There was no peace in that.
But is there peace in holding on to hatred?
Questioning myself was crazy, considering I knew where the hell I stood with my past. It was ingrained in me. Carving it out of my heart would take a blade of forgiveness that I didn’t possess.
As I neared a slowly moving, sweaty, and heavily breathing Bianca, I considered what life truly would feel like without her.As I took her into my arms, my answer came when she threw her arms around my neck and laid her head against my body. If she could be resilient and fight her way back to good health, then I could be resilient and fight the demons of my past.
Later that night, after Bianca was in bed sleeping, I took the time to call Katrelle. She’d been blowing me up all evening.
She answered on the first ring. “Hey!”
“‘Sup?”
“Nothing. I’ve been worried that I haven’t heard from you,” she said.
I didn’t even placate her with an apology I didn’t feel.
“I’ve found some beautiful dresses. Oh! I also found a dress for the Christmas Eve party. It’s beautiful,” she continued.
“Oh, aight. All is well, though?” I asked her.
“Oh…uhm, yes.”
“Cool. I’ll be back in the city in a few days. I’ll see you then, aight?”
Some of her spark returned when she replied, “Okay! See you then.”
I hung up, scrubbed my hand down my face, and blew out a deep breath. Glancing at the time, it was still a little early. Tracing my footsteps back to Bianca’s room, I sat in the recliner and watched her sleep.
Yes, I knew nearly everything about her. Including her favorite diamonds she loved to wear, her favorite perfume, and her favorite places to shop. I knew her shoe size, panty size, and the sizes of each of her fingers. I would slide a ring on all of them if that meant she’d give me just one chance to show her how deep I could love her.
