“Oh, boy. Put it on my card. Yours, too.” I opened my mouth but he cut me off. “C’mon, that’s not an expense, that’s a treat.”
“Fine. Thank you.” I smiled. He took my face between his rough hands and kissed me, running his tongue over my lip before nipping it playfully.
I hummed.
His lips stilled but lingered against mine, like it took effort for him to pull back. “Night, baby,” he murmured, forehead pressed to mine.
“Night, Luke.”
He squeezed my hand and turned to head upstairs.
Love you.
39
Ilooked out the bus window at the Cape Cod Canal, catching a glimpse of the boats passing by under the massive bridge that connected the Cape and Islands to mainland Massachusetts. The day was bright and clear, eighty degrees. Perfect.
I wish I was at the beach with Luna instead of on this bus.
I scrutinized the taupe nail polish on my fingernails. Luna and I had the best day yesterday. We got coffee for me and lemonade for her and walked in and out of the stores in town in the morning, spending the most time in the bookstore picking out some new books to read together at bedtime. Then we got our mani-pedis at a salon not far away. It felt a little like bribery, taking her to do something Luke would never want to do with her, but her unadulterated excitement made it worth it. We did the same purple color on our toes, but I went with a more conservative color on my fingernails because of this interview. I kind of hated it.
My conversation with Luke from the other night felt unfinished.“Give you the space to make up your mind.”I still didn’t fully understand what he meant.He must mean career-wise. He knew how I felt about him and Luna.
The bus zoomed up the highway as my mind raced in circles.What if he didn’t want me to take this job and only see them on the weekends for the most part? He said we’d figure it out, but did he mean it?
I pulled up the notes I took on my phone after speaking with the recruiter to prepare for this interview, but I couldn’t focus on them. My head leaned against the cool glass of the window, and I watched, miserably, as the trees that lined the road blurred by. I felt like my heart was tethered to the island and the farther away I got, the stronger the rope tugged on my chest cavity, threatening to rip it right out.
I was jolted from my daze when my phone vibrated in my hand. The same bliss I felt every time Luke’s name appeared on that screen rushed my system.
Luke
Good luck today! I’m sure you’ll get the job. They’d be crazy not to make an offer to such an intelligent, poised, experienced lawyer as you. I want you to know I support you either way. I want us to be together either way. We can make Boston to MV work. Make the decision that’s right for you. I’m sorry we haven’t had much of a chance to talk about it. I’m here if you need me.
The lump that formed in my throat as I read his words was so big I thought I might choke. I couldn’t breathe. Tears formed silent streams down my cheeks.
I loved him so much it hurt.
I read it again, eyes straining through the bleariness. He was giving me permission to make my own choice, telling me I wouldn’t lose him either way.
Make the decision that’s right for you.
If only I knew what that was.
I didn’t know what to say to Luke’s text, but I needed to acknowledge it somehow, so I sent:
Thankyou <3
As the bus pulled off the highway toward Boston’s South Station, I dug in my bag for a tissue or a napkin to wipe off the streaks of mascara I knew stained the skin under my eyes. Instead of a napkin, I found several sheets of lined paper, folded like a letter, tucked securely into an interior pocket of the bag I’d taken with me everywhere this summer. The bag that usually held my laptop, headphones, and a notebook—my movable writing setup.
I knew what it was before I opened the pages, and another golf ball lodged in my throat.Author Business Planwas scrolled across the top of the page in Luke’s handwriting. I read through the bullets for the tenth time since Luke and I made it together and felt a flicker of fire in my bones.
This!my heart shouted.
“South Station!” The bus driver called. I tucked the precious papers back into their pocket and disembarked.
I had over an hour to kill before the interview. I meandered across the bridge connecting downtown Boston to the Seaport neighborhood and sat on a bench facing the water. Lots of pedestrians, not so many boats. I’d rather be sitting on one of the benches in Edgartown Harbor, eating ice cream with Luna.
What am I doing here?
