My edginess had steadily climbed since the moment Mimi dropped me off at the ferry terminal this morning, cortisol coursing through my bloodstream. She didn’t say much while we were in the car. Her demeanor had never been one to influence or convince, but I found myself wondering what she thought. Did she think the summer had been restorative and I was ready to resume my career of negotiating contracts for demanding clients? Or did she feel like Luke and question why I would go back to something that wasn’t good for me?
I scrolled my text messages. I didn’t want to call Luke. Based on his text, I knew he’d wish me luck, give me a pep talk. He wouldn’t want to throw me off before the interview.He’s probably at a site or something anyway.
I stopped on Natalie’s name.
Val
Hey, are you free?
If she wasn’t in a meeting or tied up working on something urgent, I’d hear from her within two minutes. When I didn’t, I kept scrolling.
My eyes landed on my last text from Drew. I hadn’t told him I had an interview today. Drew would tell me what he actually thought. Maybe it would help me sort my own scattered, unsure thoughts. If he said one thing, and I agreed with him, I’d feel relieved that the smartest person I knew agreed with me. If he recommended something else, and I disagreed deep down, I’d bristle. Like flipping a coin when you thought you were equally torn between two alternatives, you always knew in that millisecond before you looked at it what you were actually hoping the outcome would be. Content with my plan, I tapped the little phone symbol next to his name.
It rang twice before my brother’s gruff voice answered, “Hey, Val. What’s up?”
“Hey.” My voice was throaty. I cleared it. “Hey, Drew.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sound…not okay.”
I chuckled. “I’ve been better.”
“What’s going on?”
“I’m thinking about maybe going back to work. I got an interview at a firm in Boston that’s looking to build up their private equity group and I figured, why not take it? I spent all this time and money and energy developing this high-earning skill, how could I just…not use it? So…” I sighed, not sure what else to add.
“I can see why you’d feel that way. It’s a lot of earning potential to give up. But are you passionate about the work anymore?”
“I don’t know.” I closed my eyes and pictured it—the kickoffs, the diligence, the negotiations, winning points, closing deals, the press releases. It used to give me a little jolt of excitement to getassigned to a cool deal or prestigious client but now…it didn’t. “Not really.”
“So it’s just a sunk cost. Who cares, ya know? You’ll find something else you love.” I pictured him sitting in his office, probably with his chair tipped back and his feet up on the corner of his big wooden desk.
“Luke mentioned sunk costs, too…”
“Smart man.” After a moment he added, “But honestly, it isn’t evenreallya sunk cost because you’ll apply your skills in other ways. The problem-solving, the work ethic, your understanding of law and business—it will all benefit you no matter what you do. It’s part of who you are.”
I nodded to myself and felt a glimmer of relief.Just because I don’t want to do it anymore, doesn’t mean it was all a waste.“That all makes sense. Thanks, Drew.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I just… When people look at the background I have, won’t they think it’s silly for me to be a struggling, unemployed writer?”
“Is that what you want to do instead? Writing?”
Crap.I never told Drew about the writing. I said, “Yes,” and held my breath for his reaction.
“Fiction?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, wow. That’s cool as shit, Val. I wish I could write fiction. I’m not creative enough. Some of the chapters of these philosophy books I write bore even me.”
I laughed. “Thanks.”
“Have you started? What do you write about?”
