“Hi. Um, good. What are you doing right now?”
“Putting together some quotes and timelines for a few new inquiries.”
“You’re at the office?”
“Yes,” he drew out the word, a hint of suspicion in his tone.
“Are you alone?” I crossed my fingers. Jeremiah was often on site visits, and their administrative assistant worked from home a few days a week.
“Yes.” Word drawn out longer, notable suspicion.
“Can I come by? I really want to talk to you, and I don’t want to wait until later.”
Please say yes.
“Yes, of course. Is everything okay? Should I be nervous?”
“No, I mean, yes.” I took a breath. “Yes, everything is okay, and no, you shouldn’t be nervous.”
A low chuckle rumbled out of him. I took that as a good sign. “See you soon.”
I took the stairs up to his office two at a time. When I opened the door, he was standing in front of his desk.
I closed the door behind me. “Can I take a guess why you want to wait to tell Luna we’re together and you promise to tell me if I’m right?”
“Val,” he said in the same tone as last night—warning, dissenting. “I didn’t want this to be such a big deal.”
“But itisa big deal, Luke. It’s the biggest deal. I’m…”sick over it, even though I know I could just wait like you asked.I shook my head, took a deep breath, and steeled myself. I met his gaze. His deep brown eyes were a little confused, but mostly patient.
“I regret not saying this already so I’m going to say it anyway. I love Luna. So m?—”
“I know, Val. I know you do,” he said softly, kindly, but not in a way that convinced me he understood.
“No, you don’t.” I took another step forward, staring into his eyes, begging him to really hear me. “I. Love. Her. I love your daughter like she’s mine. I don’t just love her because I love you. And not just because she’s the sweetest, spunkiest, most incredible eight-year-old. She’s not a burden. She’s not just part of a package deal I’m willing to take on so I can be with you. She’s an enhancement. She’s—she’s…” I swallowed. “Crap.” I was crying, and I wasn’t done with my speech.
Luke’s eyes filled, too. He looked up at the ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. His tongue pushed into his cheek.
I closed the gap between us, inhaling another deep breath. Igrabbed one of his hands, and he finally looked from the ceiling back down at me. “You know when I had that meltdown in the office, when Luna asked me to teach you how to braid her hair?”
He nodded, glassy eyes burning into me.
“It wasn’t just because I didn’t want to go back to my life in New York, or because I already had feelings for you and didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t wantanyone elseto know how to braid Luna’s hair. I wanted to be the one to do it. Always. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I love herjust as muchas I love you. I know you think it’s a lot for someone to sign up for, but I disagree. You two are the best package I could possibly imagine. I’m sure, Luke. I promise I’m sure. If I think about missing any of Luna’s milestones, I feel sick.
“I know I can’t make you believe I’m sure. You have to feel it too, but I already texted my mom and dad and Drew and Natalie and told them I’m moving here permanently and asked Mimi if I could keep living here indefinitely, and they’re all happy for me, so I hope?—”
His lips collided with mine. I didn’t even feel him bend down. His rough hand pushed into my hair, holding my lips to his, pressing firmly before our tongues tangled sweetly. I wrapped my arms around his torso, leaning into him. I felt the tension leave his body. This kiss felt like the first one: unrestrained and passionate andright.
When our mouths separated, Luke dipped his head down to rest his forehead against mine. “I believe you, Val. I didn’t know that’s what I needed to hear. I just had this feeling like I needed to protect myself and Luna.” His thumb traced my cheek. “Not that you’d ever do anything to hurt us. But if she got used to you being around every day and playing a different role in our lives, and then you left for a job… I’d hate it, but I could handle it—just weekends—but how would she feel?”
“I get it.” And I did. I knew in my heart as soon as I stood up from that bench in Boston that I’d never entertain that possibility again. I didn’t get to be half there for them. And I didn’t want to be.I never learned how to do anything halfway, anyway. But how could Luke be sure of that?
“Why didn’t you say that?” I asked.
“What was I going to say? You’ve been through all this change, working all summer to find yourself again, recover from that fucking awful place you worked, doing therapy. I couldn’t bring myself to lob in—hey, just a reminder what a massive literal and emotional responsibility it is to take on a parental role to an eight-year-old little girl who, oh yeah, already adores you as much as I do. It was too much, Val. I couldn’t pressure or influence you into committing to that. What if it ended up pushing you away? I wanted it to feel natural, and I figured we just needed more time to get there.”
Everything he said…it made perfect sense. My relief was a living, breathing thing inside of me. “I don’t need more time.”
“I know that now.” He smirked, and I knew what he was thinking. This was all quite dramatic of me.
