Hi! I’m so sorry I missed your text earlier, today was so busy. How’s it going? I’m free if you’re still up!
I called her immediately. It’d been over a week since we’d caught up, so I skipped the pleasantries and told her all about the last week and a half. My first date with Luke, the week we spent together, sleeping at his house, saying I love you, agreeing to tell Luna.
She reacted with an appropriate amount of disgust and creative curse words when I told her what Edward Phelps said to me, adding “I won’t be readinghisbooks anymore.” I snorted, and then I relayed the story about the interview, my trip to Boston, the clarity I finally reached to cancel the interview and rush home to Martha’s Vineyard.
“I was expecting this fairy tale reunion, Nat. I would tell him I canceled the interview and that I was staying, and he’d pick me up and kiss me and we’d sit down and tell Luna we’re together and everything would snap into place like the final piece of the puzzle. And he was happy for me, but he said he still wants to wait to tell her. He said, ‘I just want you to be sure.’ But Iamsure, and I don’t know if he’s hiding the real reason or what. I’m sick over it, but I don’t want to push him...”
“Hmmm,” Natalie hummed, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
I paced on the carpet, sweat making my PJs stick to my skin.
“Where’d you leave things?” she asked.
“After we talked alone on the deck, he said, ‘I love you.’ Andwhen I left to drive home a little later, he asked if I was good to be there when Luna got home from her first day of school tomorrow.”
Natalie hummed again. My bright friend, I needed her to collect her thoughts faster.
“I’m stumped, babe. It seems like the feelings are serious and mutual. You’re staying on the island, in part for them. He knows how much you love Luna. I mean, you’re obsessed. It’s so cute. You’re always sending me these pics of you guys together, texting me about her tennis matches. She’s totally brought out this maternal side of you.”
My body filled with warmth. I had no experience being a parent, but I agreed with Natalie. Spending time with Luna made me want to take care of someone, protect them, make their childhood fun and memorable. It also helped me appreciate the little joys of life more.
“He knows how much you love Luna.”
“Hmm.” My face scrunched.
“What?”
“Something you said. That he knows how much I love Luna. I mean, he must, right? I love reading with her and cried when she asked me to teach him how to do her braids because I didn’t want to be replaced. I went to her tennis match and, and…”
I wracked my brain so hard my head hurt, trying to call up a memory of me saying the words to Luke. That I love Luna, not just him. That I don’t see him having a daughter as an extra burden, but an enhancement. That I’m staying not just because I’m in love with Luke and want a new career, but because I literally cannot imagine missing any of Luna’s firsts.
“Have you ever actually said it?” Natalie asked, reading my mind.
“I don’t know.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t think so.” I frowned, mentally kicking myself. I’d told Mimi and Natalie and myself, but not Luke. Not in so many words.
His ex asked if he ever seriously considered taking his parents up on taking Luna.
“It’s a lot.”
“We’re a lot to sign up for.”
“Is it too much? Are we moving too fast?”
“Oh, Luke,” I murmured, more so to myself. I rubbed my sternum to ease the ache. “Do you think that’s it? I mean, I know it’s an insecurity of his, especially when it comes to dating.”
“It would make sense.”
It did make sense. And either way, I wanted him to know.
41
After tossing and turning all night, practicing the conversation I wanted to have with Luke in my head, I woke up sleep-deprived and bursting with the need to talk to him. He was taking Luna to school before work, and I’d get to his house by 2:30 when she got off the bus.I should wait until Luna goes to bed to bring it up.
But I couldn’t. Twice as long on the treadmill as usual wasn’t enough to ease my stomachache or cut through the nervous energy coursing through my veins.
I called him as soon as I got out of the shower.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey, Val. How’s your day going?” His tone was cheerful, boyfriend-like.
