“You don’t need to tell me twice,” I assured her, instantly glad I came. They clearly spent a lot of time and money on this party.It matters to show up,I told myself.Even if you’re exhausted and don’t feel like your full self right now.
I headed toward the living room and took out my phone, holding my breath while my inbox refreshed, that familiar little kernel of dread flaring in my belly. It dissipated when no new emails popped up.
I exited my inbox and texted Natalie to ask what time she was getting here before navigating around an L-shaped leather couch and several clusters of balloons to get to the bar cart. As I poured myself a glass of chilled rosé, my phone vibrated.
Natalie
Walking up the steps now!
Thank god.Natalie was my first friend in law school. We did our first group project for Civil Procedure together, decided we liked each other, and then did almost everything together after that: events, parties, classes, and study groups for every class we had in common. Natalie had tight black ringlets (a stark contrast to my golden brown, pin-straight hair), a heart-shaped face, and a round, button nose. She was single, like me, so we had more time for each other than our coupled-off friends like Tyler and Erica. She was Jewish and holding out for the right Jewish man to come into her life.
I was single for other reasons.
I pulled open the front door and Natalie immediately wrapped her arms around my neck, artfully avoiding the glass of wine in my hand. “I need one of those,” she said instead of hello.
“Follow me!” I guided us back to bar cart in the living room, uncorked the wine, poured it into a stemless glass, and slid it toward my friend.
She knocked her glass into mine with aclink. “I’m glad you made it! I know it’s been hell lately.”
“I woke up at 4:30 this morning to draft a purchase agreement.”
“Shit,” Natalie breathed, shaking her head.
I sighed and took a sip of my wine, already relishing its numbing effect on my nervous system.
I glanced over my shoulder. “I need to find little Mina and say happy birthday,” I said. We meandered from the living room to the playroom attached to the kitchen.
Natalie broke off to say hi to Erica.
I dropped down on the carpeted floor in front of where Mina was playing. “Happy birthday!” I said. The little girl stared at me for a second but didn’t react. “What’s the name of your doll?” I gestured to the infant-sized baby doll in her hands. She mumbled something I didn’t understand, handed it to me, and toddled over to a bin on the other side of the room, the tulle skirt of her princess-like pink dress rustling with each step. She returned a moment later, handed me another doll, and murmured its name. She reminded me a little of a toddler I used to babysit for when I was a teenager. When Natalie found me again, I was still on the floor,ooh-ing andahh-ing over the dress on the fifth doll Mina had brought to me.
“Hi, Mina! Happy birthday!” Natalie sang. Mina gave us a bewildered look, her adorable chubby cheeks pulling upward in an almost-smile, before running away, this time back to her grandparents, the doll show abandoned.
“Oysters?” Natalie said. “I’ve been instructed to eat at least five.”
I laughed, sure of two things: the raw bar was definitely Tyler’s idea, and Erica was dreading having leftover oysters at the end of the day.
“Yes.” I pushed myself up from the floor. Natalie and I made a plate of three oysters each and found seats in the dining room. We sipped our rosé and caught up on the first dates she’d gone on recently.
“At least this one didn’t mind when I wanted to take a pictureof our cocktails.” She rolled her eyes. As she described the latest guy, I tried to calculate how long it’d been since I went on a date. Could it be two years?
Natalie left her law firm three years ago to take a position on the in-house legal team at a hospital. The new job came with a lower paycheck but a more predictable schedule and more control over her time, in part because she could hire law firms for the hospital’s bigger, more complicated deals. She’d been imploring me to do the same for years, and this was her primary reason: I’d actually have time to date. “I haven’t found my person yet, but at least now I have time to try,” she’d always say. She wasn’t wrong.
But I still wanted to see if I could do it—make partner, make millions, show I could succeed even in such a competitive environment. Even though it had been particularly rough lately, I still felt that need to prove to everyone that I was smart and hardworking enough to be a Peters & Dowling partner.
When Natalie got up to refill our wine glasses, I checked my phone again.Lord knows why I haven’t gotten an Apple watch.This time I had an email from John.Dammit.My pulse thrummed. I brought my laptop with me so I could slip into another room to work or hop on a quick call with John if I needed to, but I’d been hoping I wouldn’t have to do that this time. My mind’s eye flashed to images of me in my childhood bedroom on a conference call on Christmas Eve morning, and then me in the guest bedroom of Tyler’s old apartment, typing away while my friends watched the Super Bowl.
My hand shook slightly as I tapped the message with my thumb. Luckily, it was just a discrete question about one section of the agreement. I fired off a reply, hoping it wouldn’t prompt a lengthy exchange.
When John responded two minutes later with,Fair point. Let’s try it, my shoulders relaxed. I grabbed two more oysters, complete with lemon and hot sauce, and returned to my seat.
That small burst of relief was short-lived, however. If he wasalready reviewing the liability cap section, he’d be sending me his comments soon.
I didn’t notice Natalie had returned until she pushed a glass with a heavy pour of rosé right under my nose. Love her.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just a quick work email.” I smiled and took a sip, holding the bright, tart liquid on my tongue for a moment before swallowing it.
