“Okay.” I offered him a half smile. He squeezed my shoulder with his large palm as he passed me on their way out the door.
“Good luck,” he said, “it’s going to all be fine.”
“Thank you.” I watched them depart. He ruffled Luna’s ponytail lovingly as they walked toward the car and I smiled. I could hear Luna’s voice in my head calling it a “boring ponytail.” I made a silent promise to get here early enough tomorrow to put it in braids for her, if she wanted.
“Oh.” Mallory’s shock was clear from her widened eyes, her short intake of breath, and the pause she took before she said anything else after I told her I’d decided to put in my notice. “I’m saddened to hear that, Val. Of course you need to do what’s right for you, but we’ll miss you in the practice group.”
Her surprise stung, but I resisted the urge to overexplain my reasoning. The call was short. There wasn’t much else to add after I told her that I didn’t have a new job lined up, that I was taking some time to figure things out. I appreciated that she ended things on a positive note, saying, “Give me a call if you change your mind, we rehire people all the time.”
“Thanks, Mallory. I really appreciate your support and mentorship over the years.”
Mallory was one of the people I’d miss. She’d been my role model for so long—the youngest female partner in the male-dominated practice group, balancing work and a family somehow. But she still only saw her kids for an hour or two each day, and only on the days she didn’t have client dinners or evening conference calls. They had a full-time nanny.
I used to think that was what I wanted if I found a husband and started a family. But this summer, spending time with Luna made me realize that an hour or two on the less busy days wouldn’t be enough for me. I respected that it worked for her, but it just wasn’t something I could picture for myself anymore.
After I spoke to Mallory, Luke texted and said Clara’s mom was taking the girls to lunch, and they were going to her house after sailing for a playdate.
He probably initiated those plans so I wouldn’t have interruptions today.My throat tightened with gratitude. He was so busy, and yet he took the time to make this stressful day easier for me.
In between each call, my heart pounded so hard it felt like it might fall out of my chest and onto Luke’s kitchen table. My breaths came in shallow, deliberate puffs, the air only reaching the top half of my lungs.
By midafternoon, I’d survived all but one of the necessary meetings. My resignation wasn’t official until I told John, and of course he wasn’t available until 4:00 p.m., so I puttered around the first floor of the house like an anxious, poorly programmed Roomba vacuum for over an hour until the clock struck 4:00.
“Val, are you in today? Feel free to come by my office if you are.” I clenched my jaw. He could tell from my background that I wasn’t, so it felt like a jab at me for failing to go into the office on my first day back.
“I’m not, actually. I’ve been having my meetings virtually today.”
He nodded for me to continue.
I dove into the speech I’d rehearsed and repeated several times already. “I’ve decided to leave Peters & Dowling. I really appreciate the opportunities I’ve had while working here. I can’t imagine starting my legal career anywhere else, but I’m planning to pursue other passions now.”
“Did you get an in-house job somewhere?”
I took a deep breath. He wasn’t the first partner to ask this. “No, I’m planning to take some time away from work to figure out my next steps.”
“Oh.” His eyes were wide with surprise. “It’s a shame that the leave wasn’t enough of a break. You’ve developed a valuable skill set, Val. The other partners and I had high hopes for your future here. But I understand that this work is justtoo gruelingfor some people.” He paused for a moment, letting my stress-addled brain catch up to his words.Oh, he means me.
He spared me having to respond by adding, “If you do decide to seek an in-house job with one of our clients, let me know, and I’ll see what I can do.”
I fisted my hands under the table, steeled my expression, and forced the words “Thank you” out of my mouth. I should’ve known he’d say something that implied I was quitting because I wasn’t good enough to keep ascending at his firm. I took a breath in through my nose.Just keep your composure until you’re off this call.
“So, in terms of notice,” I went on. “I know the typical timeframe is two weeks, but I’m not on any active deals right now, so I could do shorter.”
“Think you can file all your emails and everything by Friday?”
“Yes.”
I clicked the end call button after he told me “good luck” in a tone that left me wondering exactly what he meant by it. A deflated sigh heaved out from my chest. I hoped to never speak to him again.
My body was still vibrating, my breaths stilted.
It’s done,I thought.
I’m done.
What now?
25
