Luciana lowered her gaze and kicked at the ground. “Now, what I was going to say was if you want, we can have Caterina transferred somewhere safe—either back to the Mystic Court or to Alethens with Nol.”
“You can spare the resources for that?” There was still an edge to her tone now, but some softness crept in.
“Yes, we can. For fucks sake, Luce. Take a breath. I know you’re worried about your mother but stop taking it out on us.”
She froze.
“Take some time to think about it and let us know your decision. But we need you back on the battlefield tomorrow. Circumstances be damned. As Lennox said, we have a war to win.”
I found Lennox in our tent. Her knees pulled to her chest as she sat on the bed.
“Was I too hard on her?” Her voice was soft, partly muffed by her chin resting on her knees.
“Maybe a little, but nothing she can’t handle. She’s your cousin. You can be harder on her.”
I sat against the headboard, opening my arms to her. She scooted back, folding into the crook of my arm.
“I just?—”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me.”
“She’s my aunt, too. Does she think I want to lose another family member? Caterina is the closest thing I have to a mother. I—I can’t even think about losing her right now. At least if she’s in a fucking coma, I don’t have to worry about her dying.”
“We’ll get through this.”
“You don’t know that.”
“But we have to believe that we will, otherwise, what’s the point?” I rubbed my hand up and down her arm.
“Sometimes I wonder what is the point? We’ve witnessed so much death?—”
“But think of the lives you’ll save. The futures you’ll safeguard. Our future.”
“I try—but sometimes it’s so hard to look past our current circumstances and imagine an ending where everything is okay.” She traced circles on my knee with her fingers.
“So let’s try right now.”
Her brows furrowed.
“I see a life for us, Lennox, a life where we’re happy. Where we get our happy ending.”
“Tell me about it.” Her voice was quiet and tentative like she was afraid to ask.
I pulled my thoughts of our future to the forefront of my mind. The future I saw for us when I looked at her when she wasn’t paying attention. The life I imagined for the two of us while I tried to fall asleep to keep the nightmares at bay. The future I fought for on the battlefield.
I picked one of them to share with her.
“We’re sitting by the lake in Alethens. You’re in my arms like you are now. It’s summer, and the sun is high in the sky, warming our skin. We rode Odin and Zola there, they’re grazing in the grass. We’re full from the picnic lunch we devoured, our heads light from the sparkling wine.”
Lennox leaned further into me, closing her eyes and humming.
“We’re watching our children play in the sand.”
“Children?” Her eyes opened as she tilted her gaze to meet mine.
I nodded. “Yes, children. I imagine we’ll have twoyounglings, one boy and one girl. Many years from now, we’d have many years together first. Living our lives together. But someday—someday, I’d like children.” We never talked about children, briefly, yes, but never seriously. I had no idea if that was something Lennox wanted. If she didn’t, that was fine too, but if she did—that’s an adventure I’d love to go on with her.
“Me too. I’d like that too.”
