Yeah, dude, I can understand the human emotion of loneliness. You see, I really am a grown man. But obviously my reasons aren’t going to be the same as someone who looks like you!
I glance away so he doesn’t see my annoyance, and that’s when I notice out my side window that we are now parked just a few buildings away from my apartment. Wemade it all the way home, and I didn’t even realize! I’m so relieved, that when I look back, I’m completely caught off guard to find he’s unbuckled his seat belt and is leaning closer to me.
And his expression is oddlyintense.
And curious.
And…
Oh!
He’s notquitein kissing range—there’s still a respectful distance there—but even someone as clueless as me can tell where this is headed, though it makesabsolutely zero sense.
I mean, what in the freaking hell of anime porn is actually going on here?! It sure can’t be incubus powers. I might not have any experience using those abilities, but Mom’s made it clear they aren’t subtle, especially when it comes to affecting other people. Same way you’d know if you’d grabbed somebody’s throat, I’d know if they were active.
“You’re doing great!” Collin chimes in. “Now, tell him that yes, youdofeel a bit lonely! And that it’s actually class to meet someone else who gets that. And then casually ask if he needs to use your bathroom or something. Or no! Offer hima glass of water!That’s better! Then throw in something casual but a little flirty like, ‘I bet you must beparchedafter killing those vampires…’”
Excuse me,WHAT?!
I give Collin the fastest side eye on record, then squeak out to Rafa, “Well, look at that! It’s my apartment building! That’s me! Thank you again! I guess we’ll see each other around! Take care!”
I literally sound like I’m having a heart attack, but in the space of those words, I’m still able to pop open my seatbelt and throw myself out of the SUV before he tries to get his arm around me or find some other way to keep me there.
But before I even make it around the hood, Rafa is out of the car himself and right next to me. “What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, Alvin,” says Collin, suddenly standing next to the Monster Hunter and looking completely baffled, “what are you at?”
The ghost then leans his entire upper body toward Rafa, eyebrows raised, and gives me a pointed, expectant glare.
What is going on?!
“I just… really have to get to bed! That’s all!” I stammer, while backpedaling toward my building as fast as my blocky, little feet can manage.
Rafa keeps pace with me, his long legs having no trouble matching my speed. He’s frowning. “Well, let me at least make sure you get up to your place okay.”
“No!” I shout, slamming my palm on his chest. I hit way harder than I should and it stops both of us in the middle of the street.
Rafa glances down at my hand, and I swear, he actually looks a little hurt.
But if the Monster Hunter looks bummed, Collin seems he might actually have some kind of meltdown. “Alvin—are you totally blind? This gorgeous fellawants to come up to your apartment!”
And okay, yes, at this point, even I can tell thatwhateverRafa wants from me right now, murder isn’t on themenu. And maybe, because it seems to be opposite day, he reallydoeswant to see me naked, and not just to mark me up for dissection!
But it’s all too much! This random, blond spirit is pushing hard for some kind of sex connection between me and the Monster Hunter, for God knows what reason (leave it to me to be haunted by apervyghost!) And, of course, the more Rafa gets to know me, the more likely he is to want to shoot me. Plus I still have to find a way to get the artifact I stole from vampires (!) to I’m-A-Royal-Asshole Elf before he decides I’ve broken our deal and outs me to the feds (even though I don’t have his address or anything!) And finally, let’s remember: I can’t have sex with anyone becausethere’s a real chance I could kill them!
I feel like I’m drowning. I literally can’t breathe. I just need to get away!
“I’m sorry, dude! I’m really, really sorry!”
I turn and make a mad dash for my apartment building, and I’m behind the front door and in the foyer before he or Collin can get out another single, stupid word.
Once inside, back pressed against the security glass, I take a full ten seconds to slow my breathing enough so I don’t straight-up pass out. Only then do I look back through the transparent barrier.
Rafa is still out there, standing in the road. He’s staring at the door I basically slammed in his face. And I swear, he looks confused, lost, and sad.
Like I freaking broke this paranormal-killing machine’s heart.
I mean, fuck my life. Seriously.
