“It might have been your father,” Collin continues. “There’s no way to be sure. And no, there isn’t anyone on Earth with enough magic to break it. I’ve asked. Not even Sarah Stryker.”
“All right. Fine. Plan B, then. Luckily, there are a bunch of bloodthirsty vampires who I’m sure will be more than happy to try to kill me when I go to save those kids. So, once they’re about to rip me to pieces, what will I need to do?”
“That’s very brave, Alvin, but at the level of spellcraft we’re talking about, this won’t be something you can just trick into giving you what you want. A binding this powerful would almost certainly have sentience. The other times you used your magic, the danger you were in wasn’t of your own making. You were surprised, cornered. But if you try to rely on it, if you deliberately put yourself in jeopardy, I fully expect the binding spell to change tactics.”
“You mean, in a moment I really need it, it might not give me access to my power?”
I picture what would have happened if I had failed to create the spark when I shoved the Molotov cocktail into Rafa’s dad. It would not have been pretty.
But Collin’s dark expression shows the real answer is much worse.
“I mean… it might find a way to punish you for even trying. Quite likely, it would do whatever it took to convince you to never try again. As you pointed out, you weren’t really in control this last time. I was able to talk you down, but there’s only so much I can do, especially if this spell wants to prove a point. And if the reason you needed the power was to save some children…”
Then I might not just torch backyards and vampires.
I flash to the house in Hunter’s Point with the lights on. The one I was going to throw a fireball at. There was a family in there—a human family—and all I cared about was seeing it burn. If the binding spell wanted to send me a message, then encouraging me to kill a bunch of helpless teens would be the least it could do.
I slump back into bed, suddenly exhausted again. “So, you’re saying I have all the power in the world, but I can’t use it.”
Collin lies down next to me, close. Our shoulders touch through the sheet. “What I’m saying is that it doesn’t look like it’s time. Not yet. But someday it might be, and on that day, I promise I will help you figure out how to do loads of good with it.”
Cold comfort now. So much for menotbeing useless! I let my head sink back into the pillow and squeeze my eyes shut. “You think most of those children are already dead?”
Collin rolls on his side to face me. His fingers land on my chest, over my heart, and when I open my eyes, his own are bright.
“I’ve been thinking a bit more about that. Smart or not, those vampires are still pretty savage, so I doubt theywould have kept humans alive for days, or even weeks, just to be understudies. They need a large group of teens with magical ability for a reason. I’ll know for sure in a few hours, when my knowledge of the world refreshes, but I expect the whole lot of them are still alive. And one way or another, wearegoing to get those kids out.”
“You really believe that?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t give you false hope, Alvin. I’ve been worried about them, too. And maybe you can’t blast your way through this, but you’ve still got me. And Rafa. And with or without magic, you remain the bravest and most tenacious person I’ve ever met. We’re a long way from being out of this fight.” His eyes soften, and he reaches up to tenderly brush a wayward strand of hair off my forehead. “But you really should get some sleep now. No matter what, it’ll be a lot easier to win against these guys if you aren’t so wrecked you can’t think.”
It’s a fair point. My eyes keep wanting to close, and my bones weigh crazy heavy into the mattress. The last thirty-six-plus hours are really starting to catch up to me. I’m in no state to leave the room, let alone charge into a vampire dungeon. And it would make sense to wait for Collin’s database update first. That way, we could at least know what we’re up against.
So, yeah, I’m not going to say no to a couple—or even several—hours of “kip.”
Collin continues to caress me, stroking the length of my scalp with soft fingertips, and I stretch back, shutting my eyes and arching my neck. It’s kind of like he’s petting a cat, but it honestly feels really nice. It calms me down.
“I like that,” I say, my eyes still closed.
He huffs out a pleasant chuckle. “Yeah? It feels good to me, too.”
I crack open an eye. “Really? So, you’re saying you genuinely feel something when you do that?”
Another laugh, bigger this time. “Eh… my fingers are running through your lovely, thick hair. Of course, I feel something!”
His expression really is like sunshine when he’s happy, especially with his golden curls and sparkling sky-blue eyes. I feel this pull in my chest of wanting him closer. What would it be like to properly snuggle all night?
“Huh. I just figured all this stuff was an illusion you were creating or whatever,” I say sleepily.
His hand stops. “Is that what you think?”
I give his forearm a friendly rub, hoping to encourage him to continue. “I don’t mean anything bad by that. I like it when you touch me. But I just figured it was like all the other stuff you put in my head. That it’s not truly real.”
He pulls back and sits up cross-legged, suddenly serious. “Alvin, maybe what we do together isn’t strictly physical, but it’s just as real to me.”
Fighting against my body’s heaviness, I push myself to sit up with him. I feel awkward about stepping on the nice moment we were having, but since I just learned about my dad, this might in fact be a good time to ask a few other questions that have been weighing on me.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m still not 100% sure what you are… I mean, you look like a cute guy my age and stuff. But you’re also, like, thousands of years old, right? And, according to you, you’re not ‘flesh and blood’ or a ghost…”
