She’s redone it five times since Toby was born. Stealthily, I slap her ass. “Whatever you want.”
We have breakfast together. I’m relieved when Landis perks up, telling Della about how he’s heading out with Deacon’s oldest son for a quick trip to the city next weekend. Julie-Mae and Gage chatter to themselves—he listens while she talks about work mostly. I sit back and think more than I’d like to be thinking.
Della and I are on the road, halfway to Knifely, when I finally decide to say something about Landis. I glance at her, watching the faint breeze from the cracked window tousle her braided hair. My hand is on her thigh, holding tight.
“I was talking to Landis this morning,” I say lightly.
She looks over, a faint crease appearing between her brows. “What about?”
I run my hand to her knee, tracing it with my thumb. Ever since that conversation I had with her about not wanting to encourage Landis to go east, I’ve tried to let sleeping dogs lie. But I don’t think this situation is going to be that easy to dismiss.
“I kinda think Landis wants to leave,” I say finally.
Her head dips. There’s a short silence, and then she sniffs.
“I know,” she says finally.
I slide my hand into hers. “I don’t think he means to leave forever. But as much as I hate the idea, he might need to go out and find himself.”
“I know that too,” she whispers.
“You sound resigned.”
She holds my hand tight, face turned to the window. “I think I’ve known since he first asked me about home. He was going to need to go back and figure some things out. I just hope he doesn’t figure everything out.”
“Well, nobody knows what you did,” I assure her.
She sniffs again, turning to give me a weak smile. “That’s true. I just…want to keep him safe.”
“I do too,” I say. “But we might need to let him go for a bit. He’ll be back in the end.”
There’s so much sadness in her eyes, but it’s coupled with peace. Maybe we always knew we’d end up here. The mountains run in our blood, and no amount of space between them changes that. They’re in Landis’ veins, making him restless for a place he’s never known.
“Let’s get you a cup of coffee,” I say.
She doesn’t protest. I keep my hand on her thigh all the way into town, helping her out of the truck when we park. It cheers her up a lot to see Freya. I run into one of the guys from the stockyard outside, and we get to talking for a while, so that gives them time to have coffee together. Then, I take her out to the home improvement store and hand her the credit card. That always improves her mood.
We talk about lighter things on the drive back, but my head is still stuck on our conversation about Landis.
After dinner that night, I step out onto the porch. It’s cool, a little bite to the air. The sun is down, but the moon is full tonight. I can see all the way down the hill to the lower pastures, the cattle dark spots against the grass. There’s a shape leaning on the fence, a cherry cigarette tip glittering. I don’t have to look twice to know it’s Landis.
I walk over, leaning my elbows on the rail. “Don’t let your mom see you smoke.”
“I never do.” He exhales, head back. The stars are a heavy net over us.
We’re both quiet. I clear my throat.
“This morning, you were trying to talk to me about something,” I say.
He nods.
“And I kinda shut you down. Why don’t you say what’s on your mind?”
He’s quiet, and then he shrugs. “I know Mom talked to you after I had this conversation a while back. I’ve been thinking about going east, to the mountains, maybe getting a chance to…do something. I don’t know what yet.”
This time, I think back to where I was at his age. I was hungry to find a place to call home, and I wasted nineteen years to avoidance and doubt. I should have been honest with myself and faced all my baggage. As uncomfortable as it is, I think Landis might be thinking about doing just that.
“Alright,” I say.
